


Where'd Your Love Go?

by prettysweet



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Affairs, Being gay is an actual thing in this AU, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Endgame Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Forbidden Love, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Grand Prix Final, Ice Dancer AU, Ice Skating, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, NHK Trophy, Pining, Rostelecom Cup, Secret Relationship, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-04-05 02:20:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14034036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettysweet/pseuds/prettysweet
Summary: Victor is straight. Yuuri is straight. They're straight. Definitely.Probably.





	1. The Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Ambroseashely coming through with a new chaptered fic! If you're coming in from my other chaptered fic Heaven in Hiding, welcome back! And if you're new, good morning/afternoon/evening and I hope you like my writing. 
> 
> This AU was heavily inspired by Grace and Frankie, a show on Netflix. The first plan for this story had Yuuri and Victor as literal 70 year-olds, and then it turned into the lead up to them being homosexual 70 year olds, and then I reduced their age by about fifty years, then turned them into ice dancers. I know now that the story now doesn't really resemble Grace and Frankie all that much, but I wanted to talk about the show regardless because it's really good and you all need to watch it. Also, you'll probably see quite a few Grace and Frankie references. Also, when I was inventing Maria and Maiko, I moulded Maiko out of Grace and Maria out of Frankie. A little piece of trivia for you. 
> 
> I plan to update this story every other Monday, except for the next few weeks as I finish up [Heaven in Hiding.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12414780/chapters/28251177)

**May 17th, 2015**

 

‘I’m sorry I couldn’t get Maiko to give you blue roses,’ Victor said through a white, wooden door of a large, rented estate in North Sapporo, Japan. ‘Maiko chose red roses, because of the whole ‘red is lucky’ thing, but at least they’re roses.’ 

‘Don’t worry about it, Victor. All that matters is that I’m getting married to you, and I’m doing it next to a girl I’ve known for the past two, nearly three years– five if count before we actually became friends. Maiko knows how to design something– I mean, did you see their costumes last season? Maiko did that– she designed those. I trust her.’ 

‘Well, that’s good because we only get to do this once. I feel like our situation is already bad enough, with how rushed everything feels. I know you wanted to get married in Autumn, not Spring, and you wanted _blue roses_.’

‘Really, Victor, everything is perfect. I promise,’ Maria replied as Yuuko tied up the back of her dress. ‘By the way, have you seen Maiko’s wedding dress? Do you think we’ll match? I want to match.’ 

‘I haven’t seen her, but sweetheart, I think it may be a little late to be thinking things like that… Oh!Yuuri, good to see you. How’s Maiko? What does her dress look like?’ 

‘Uh, Maiko’s good. She sent me to tell you that the ceremony is starting in six minutes and we should get down and wait for our brides. I don’t know what her dress looks like.’ 

‘Oh, Victor! It’s happening– go, go, go!’ Maria squealed from inside her room. ‘Yuuko is nearly done with me– I’ll see you in just a handful of minutes.’ Victor smiled.

‘See you soon.’ Victor didn’t stop grinning as he made his way down the hall and out of the building. When he left the grand entrance, he stepped out onto a red carpet that lead to a large podium for both couples to stand on, and a priest waited for them. There were rows of white benches on either side of the aisle, adorned with large transparent red ribbons. At the end of each row, short white pillars stood with large vases of red roses. How beautiful it would have been if everything red was blue– it would go with the beautiful garden scenery very well. But the red was good too– it stood out. It seemed sharp and was, of course, the colour of love. Victor stepped down onto the carpet with Yuuri following behind. Victor passed rows of people he didn’t know, but in the first row on the left side sat his mother, step-sister, Yakov, and three of his old rink mates– Yuri, (or Yurio, he’d called him when he met Yuuri,) who was a Junior Mens Singles skater, and _Mila and Georgi_ , he and Maria’s biggest completion aside from Yuuri and Maiko. Victor felt giddy when he saw his skating family from back in Russia– it had been over a year since he’d seen them, and it made his heart squeeze up. Victor stepped up onto the just slightly elevated podium, with Yuuri on the other end– their brides would stand in the middle. 

Just a few seconds after stepping up, he heard the grand entrance to the building they’d rented for getting ready and the reception after, open and the orchestra that was situated behind and to the right of Victor began playing. Victor’s heart squeezed again. He couldn’t wait to see his Maria again. (Really, it had only been a couple hours, but on his wedding day, that felt far too long.) When Victor felt a presence beside him, he instantly searched out Maria, even though Maiko had insisted that they should face the priest until he says ‘you may kiss the bride,’ but Victor couldn’t help himself. He wanted to look at Maria– he wanted to kiss her. He wanted this wedding to occur without Maiko and Yuuri, and he wanted _blue roses_. He wanted it in the _fall–_ early September, ideally. But, Victor knew this for the better. It was good enough, and really, all that mattered was that he was marrying Maria. His ice dance partner of eleven years, his childhood friend, and the mother of his child. Maria was his everything, and it didn’t matter what season they were getting married, or the type of flowers there would be at the wedding. They’d been together for six years already, it was time to tie the knot. 

The priest started to speak in Japanese and Victor tried to understand as much as he could. He’d picked up as much Japanese as he could during the past year since he and Maria had moved to Sapporo, but Victor soon gave up trying to translate in his head what the priest was saying. It wasn’t like he really needed to know, anyway. There would be no ‘repeat after me’s and they’d been told they wouldn’t have to write or say any vows. Victor would just have to stand there until he was asked to kiss Maria. 

Whatever the priest did say ended a lot quicker than Victor had expected it to, and soon, the priest was holding his hands his out and saying in broken and accented English, ‘you may now kiss your bride.’ Victor, for a short second, wondered why Maiko had chosen to go through with a traditional western wedding, and not a Japanese one, but the thought left as quickly as it came because soon, Maria had her a lace-gloved hands on Victor’s jaw and was pulling him down, in for a kiss. Victor smiled into it, and noted that it definitely lasted longer than Maiko’s and Yuuri’s. The thought returned to him though, as the guests clapped. Maybe Maiko had done it because it would be a joint wedding– maybe it was originally a Japanese wedding, but then he and Maria had joined, and she didn’t want a Russian wedding, so they chose a western style wedding. That would make sense. 

The priest guided the couple back down the aisle again and the four of them, plus their odd-forty guests inside the hall that was set up with a small dance area, fourteen circular tables covered with red, silk tablecloths and the room was covered, head to toe, in red roses. How beautiful the cream coloured walls and light wood floors should look in blue roses

 

-

 

‘ _Is it tight enough?_ ’ Yuuri heard Maiko ask in Japanese through the door. Yuuri waited on a leather, cushioned bench outside, in the spacious hall. 

‘Yes, yes, _you look gorgeous– every single one of your curves are visible, don’t worry,_ ’ Yuuri heard another voice reply. 

‘ _Oh, thank you, Mum. And it’s not too… debaucherous_? _I want to look good but it’s not too much, right?_ ’ Yuuri wanted to laugh– Maiko could never be debaucherous, they hadn’t even slept together unless you counted a weird blowjob before a competition four years ago or some serious orgasm-worth grinding and slightly voyeuristic mutual masturbation as sleeping together. He and Maiko were both the biggest virgins around. Yuuri wasn’t really that sure they’d ever have sex. 

‘ _God, no! You look pure_ and _stunning, my darling. I think you’re all done now, too. Your makeup and hair are amazing, your dress is beyond gorgeous. I can’t believe you smooth your shoulders are! And I love how your back is out– smooth back too. And your collarbones, I’m so glad this dress showcases your collarbones._ ’ Yuuri wanted to laugh again– he was glad to know Maiko didn’t have any back acne. How he’d been with Maiko for two years and not know if she had back pimples puzzled Yuuri. Maybe Yuuri should have known that before marrying Maiko, but if it was something she didn’t want Yuuri to know then… 

‘ _Thank you, Mum. Yuuri?_ ’ Maiko called. 

‘ _Yes?_ ’ Yuuri answered back. 

‘ _Will you still love me if my dress is too_ slutty?’ she asked, giggling at her question. 

‘ _Of course. Maybe I’ll love you even more_ ,’ Yuuri said, trying to mimic his future wife’s giggly mood. She laughed with shocked amusement as Yuuri’s retort. 

‘ _Okay, Yuuri. I think it’s time– go tell Victor we’re starting in seven minutes, he’s through the first door on the right of the main hall. I’ll see you soon, and I’ll definitely have you judge if my dress is too debaucherous when we see each other, okay? Maybe you could even talk about it with Victor, who probably already knows what dress Maria is wearing_ ,’ Maiko said with disgust.

‘ _I bet they bought it together_!’ _Yes_ , Yuuri though, _heaven forbid Victor actually wanted to go dress shopping with Maria_. 

‘ _Alright, Maiko. See you soon_.’ 

 

Yuuri made his way down the left wing hall and made his way across the main hall which was set up, covered in red decorations, ready for their reception. Yuuri crossed quickly and headed into the right wing, where he found Victor sitting on an identical leather bench outside Maria’s dressing room, chatting to her. Yuuri smiled at Victor’s excited-ness fondly. He appreciated Victor’s black suit, with a top panel of black lace and white velvet lapels. Yuuri was sure his own matching suit didn’t look as good as it did on Victor. Yuuri probably just looked like he was over-shooting with his white velvet lapels and lace panels. But _Victor_. He looked amazing– Yuuri wouldn’t be surprised if he stole the prize in the looks department in compared to the brides. And his hair– Yuuri still hadn’t gotten over how good he looked with short hair, even if he had cut all of it off over two years ago and Yuuri had only been friends with him a few months before the chop. Of course, it was styled as normal, but it always took Yuuri’s breath away– how could someone look that good? Yuuri wished he looked as good as Victor did. 

‘I haven’t seen her, but sweetheart, I think it may be a little late to be thinking things like that,’ Yuuri heard Victor say. ‘Oh! Yuuri, good to see you. How’s Maiko? What does her dress look like?’ 

‘Uh, Maiko’s good. She sent me to tell you that the ceremony is starting in six minutes and we should get down and wait for our brides. I don’t know what her dress looks like,’ Yuuri replied– his voice trying to not to hint at how in awe he was with how gorgeous Victor looked. He probably came off as cold, and Yuuri didn’t know if that was better. Even though he’d met Victor two and a bit years ago, he still didn’t really know what to say or how to act around Victor after idolising him for so long. Though Victor might’ve grown used to Yuuri’s cold and weird behaviour because he seemed to like him well enough. 

‘Oh, Victor! It’s happening– go, go, go!’ Maria squealed from inside her room. ‘Yuuko is nearly done with me– I’ll see you in just a handful of minutes.’ Victor broke out into a grin. Yuuri couldn’t really believe he was this happy to be getting married when it was a joint wedding and everything had been predetirmed– he and Maria both had almost no say in it at all, and they’d gotten engaged a few months ago just because Maria got pregnant. If Yuuri were Victor he wouldn’t be as cheery as he was, especially considering he’d have to take the entire season off. (Not that Yuuri had much say in the wedding plans anyway.)

‘See you soon.’ And with that, Victor stood up with a bounce and started ahead of Yuuri, following the blue carpet into the main hall. 

Yuuri wasn’t ready when he stepped out into their ceremonial area. With Victor nearby, he hadn’t stopped behind the big wooden doors decorated with stained glass and taken a breather before stepping out into the view of about forty people. No, he’d just followed Victor out there, his cheeks burning with all the eyes on him, and quickly became flustered with anxiety after he realised that everyone probably thought Victor looked better than he did. Why had he let Victor choose their matching suits– why didn’t he just go for a plain black suit and blend in with the brides, so that all of the attention was on Victor, and no one was thinking about how bad Yuuri looked compared to Victor. Yuuri didn’t want to be compared to Victor _now_ , it happened enough during the competitive season, and at least there he didn’t get pitied or mocked. 

Yuuri followed behind Victor, keeping his head down as he walked down the aisle. He stepped up onto the small, barely elevated podium and stood on the right side, facing the priest, and ignoring all the stares on his lace panelled back. Yuuri took some deep breaths as silently as he could and heard the big doors about four meters behind them open. Yuuri watched Victor as he resisted the temptation to look behind him. Yuuri also fought that very same battle. Though, a second before the brides joined them, he averted his eyes and looked at the white priest, who he didn’t care very much about. He’d wanted a traditional Shinto Japanese wedding, not a mostly-Christian one. But Maiko had insisted, and when Maria and Victor joined the bandwagon, it worked out pretty well, and they weren’t left fighting over whether to have a Japanese wedding or a Russian one. Yuuri didn’t know if Victor and Maria participating in a Japanese one would’ve been all that appropriate anyway. 

The priest began speaking in Japanese and Yuuri politely listened to his ramblings about God and what a marriage between a man and woman meant, and that they would have to take care of each other no matter what. Yuuri chuckled in his head– Maiko would never let him not take of her. 

Soon, the words ‘you may kiss the bride’ were being spoken and Yuuri turned towards Maiko. Nerves fluttered inside of him– he didn’t know why he’d kissed Maiko just this morning. Maybe because of all the eyes staring at him– but just a few months ago Yuuri and Maiko had kissed on live television in the kiss and cry at Four Continents and it hadn’t bothered him. That much. 

Maybe because he was doing it beside Maria and Victor, an ultimate couple. If anyone was going to have the romance of the century, it was them. Yuuri could never hope to feel as connected to Maiko as Victor was to Maria in a million years. And on top of that, they’d been together for six years and known each other for about eleven. If anyone was going to survive marriage, it was those two. Not that Yuuri thought he and his wife would eventually break up with each other. 

Yuuri ignored his anxiety and leaned in for a brief, sweet kiss. 

No, never that. He did love Maiko, despite his complaining and anxiety. He and Maiko were getting married because it was the next step– they would be together for the rest of lives. Yuuri never doubted that, and scolded himself for even thinking about it. Probably just wedding day nerves. 

Maiko smiled at him when he pulled away– he smiled back. Soon, Maiko was pulling him down the aisle to lead their guests into the reception part of the evening, in the hall. Yuuri liked how Maria had set it up– not too crazy and not to simple. He liked the red, and the tables were a good size and he liked how small the dancing area was. He also like the glowing bar to the left. Yuuri knew it was only about three, but he was already busting to get his hands on a glass of something. Just one though– Maiko wouldn’t let him have anymore because of how he acted on more than two glasses of champagne. Yuuri assumed Maiko wanted him sober enough to deflower her later that night. 

Yuuri watched Maiko abandon him in the entrance to the hall as she made her way to a microphone at the end of them. He watched her hips sway as she walked away. Yuuri didn’t get a good look at Maiko during the ceremony but he was looking now. Her mermaid dress did show off her curves, and her exposed back and shoulders looked enticing. Yuuri smiled and watched her grab the attention of the room as she tapped the mic. 

‘Welcome, everyone! I just wanted to let you know before photos and cocktail hour starts, Yuuri and I and Victor and Maria wanted to exchange rings in front of you all. We decided to do it in the hall because I am frankly _freezing_! How is it this cold in May, huh?’ Maiko laughed, and Yuuri felt a tinge of pride spark in his chest. He was getting married to _that_. He’d never get over the feeling of walking into a room with that woman. Yuuri laughed with the rest of the crowd. ‘So boys, and my co-bride, get up here.’ Maria smiled as the room turned to look at her. Yuuri followed the couple up the end of the room where Maiko waited. Yuuri slipped his hand inside his inner breast pocket and pulled out the velvet, blue box that contained their rings. He saw Victor do the same with a nervous smile on his face.

Maiko did a little jump when she saw the box, excited to finally have her ring on her hand. Yuuri had proposed last worlds, unprepared, even surprising himself, so Maiko never got an engagement ring, to her disappointment, but she did love their wedding bands. She had been wanting to show off her engagement so much, and now she didn’t even have to say anything. Yuuri smiled as they paired up beside the Russians. Yuuri slightly faced Maiko and opened the box, exposing their rings– two rose gold rings. Maiko’s one bowed in the middle and had diamonds embedded all the way around. Yuuri’s was the exact same, minus the diamonds. Yuuri and Maiko peeped over at Victor and Maria’s, to find that their wedding bands were not just matching, but identical. Theirs was rose gold too, and was embedded with diamonds, but the metal bowed at the end of every diamond, making for one flashy ring. Yuuri quickly look away and focused on the attention seeking task at hand. 

He pulled out Maiko’s ring and placed the box on a small table behind them. He seemed out Maiko’s hand, but she was already holding her hand onto, her tiny fingers poised, modelling for everyone to see. Yuuri chuckled at his wife’s confidence in her self and took her hand, hers cold where his was warm and eased the small ring onto her tiny finger. Out of the corner of his eye, Yuuri watched Victor do the same, except his eyes were trained on Maria’s.

Yuuri’s heart clenched the way it did whenever he was around Maria and Victor for too long. And in these circumstances, now was way too long. Yuuri swallowed. Only six hours to go. The crowd cheered when the task was done. Yuuri’s heart clenched in jealousy.

‘Alright, everybody, let us begin cocktail hour! We’ve got our two photographers– Mitch, who’s standing over there,’ Maiko pointed, ‘on the right side, and then we have Katsuko taking photos outside.’ Yuuri was thankful when their guests made their way either outside, to the bottom right corner, or the bar, and the attention was taken off of him. Yuuri refused to look at the other couple, scared of jealously taking over him so it rendered him frozen or something. 

‘So, I’ll grab our families and we can take photos outside– the scenery is great out there– and then we’ll all gather in the smaller back hall, and begin the grand entrances, alright?’ Maiko instructed, more than asked. 

‘Yeah,’ Yuuri muttered, stuffing his hands inside his pockets. ‘See you outside.’ Yuuri pecked her wife’s cheek as she left. Yuuri was then forced to look at the opposing couple. Maria had an arm slung around Victor’s shoulder and was leaning into him, resting her head on his shoulder. Yuuri ground his teeth.

Yuuri had been like this since he’d started being friends with Maria and Victor. They were just supposed to be rivals and idols, (before Yuuri and Maiko teamed up and joined the scene, they were the stars of the ice skating world,) but a feeling took over Yuuri when he saw them get all cuddly. Yuuri wanted to laugh– Victor and Maria cuddled all the time, and he had his own Maria to cuddle. He had Maiko. Yuuri figured it was jealousy the moment he felt it– jealousy that he’d never be as good as them, jealousy that Maria would always hold Victor close. But Yuuri could see something else when he saw Victor, whether it be with Maria or not. He could see he and Victor _clicking_ , being friends. Telling each other everything. But it had been over two years and they hadn’t _clicked_ , and Yuuri knew it would probably never happen. The friendship fantasy was nothing more than a fantasy conjured up from idolise and his own loneliness. But Yuuri still saw it in his head when he saw Maria and Victor like that– he just wished he could have something with Victor that went beyond rivals and dinner guests. Yuuri _longed_ for a friendship like the one in his head– he longed for something he’d never have with Maiko. Yuuri pressed his lips together, as he waited for his family. 

S _omething he’d never have with Maiko_. 

-

 

**November 10th 2012**

 

‘Maybe I’d be perfect in a new dimension– not here. Not in this world,’ Yuuri slurred as he played with the hairbrush bristles. Victor patted the space behind on him on the carpeted floor. 

‘Of course, you’re perfect, Yuuri. Yuuri’s perfect, right Maria?’ Victor shouted. 

‘Not as perfect as you, my love, but perfect enough,’ Maria said, as she opened the bathroom door and tumbled out in her pink, plaid pyjamas. ‘Tokyo is cold in November.’ 

‘It is!’ Victor enthusiastically replied. Yuuri looked down at his lap where the wooden brush lay. ‘See, Yuuri? You are as perfect as you could be,’ Victor said in a singsong voice. 

‘I think being as perfect as I can be is worse than not being perfect enough,’ Yuuri groaned, head falling onto Victor’s back. 

‘You have plenty of potential to grow,’ Victor whispered, turning his head to look at the man behind him. ‘You’re only twenty.’ 

‘You’re also a sad drunk,’ Maria said as she picked up her own brush and began brushing it. Of course they brushed their hair together. 

‘I’m not drunk.’ 

‘Yuuri’s sad when he’s tipsy. This is stage two– first stage is actually talking instead of being all shy, second stage is being sad, third stage is when he starts getting flirty, and then when he’s really drunk, he’s a menace. A flirty menace,’ Victor explained, to both Maria’s and Yuuri’s surprise. Yuuri’s brows furrowed. 

‘How did you know that? I’ve never been drunk around you,’ Yuuri said, louder than he had anticipated. Victor just shrugged. 

‘I thought you were going to brush my hair?’ Victor reminded Yuuri, tapping on his long silver hair. It was as long as Maria’s now– he’d cut five inches off just before the skating season began. Yuuri kinda missed Victor’s super long hair, but it would make sense now that he had finished growing and really become a man that he cut a few inches off. Yuuri wondered if there would ever be a day when Victor had short hair. ‘C’mon, Yuuri. I was all excited too, you’re so gentle and soft.’ Yuuri nodded his head even though Victor couldn’t see him, and ran the hairbrush through the left side of Victor’s part. 

He ran his own fingers through the soft mess and wondered why Victor had even asked him to brush it if it was this soft. But Yuuri didn’t know how to look after long hair, so he didn’t question it. He didn’t question a lot of things in Victor’s life, because he’d only properly known him for a couple months. Yuuri was sure it would all come in time– one day they’d _click_ , and Victor would fill him in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you liked that and it was a good first chapter! 
> 
> I have some links for you all-  
> Maria’s wedding dress: https://www.jjshouse.com.au/A-Line-Princess-V-Neck-Floor-Length-Chiffon-Lace-Wedding-Dress-With-Ruffle-002127339-g127339 
> 
> Maiko’s wedding dress: https://www.jjshouse.com.au/Trumpet-Mermaid-Off-The-Shoulder-Court-Train-Chiffon-Lace-Wedding-Dress-With-Beading-Sequins-002119786-g119786
> 
> Maria and Victor’s matching wedding bands: http://www.tiffany.com.au/engagement/womens-wedding-bands/tiffany-jazz-band-ring-GRP10140?fromGrid=1&origin=browse&trackpdp=bg&tracktile=new&fromcid=716543&trackgridpos=1 
> 
> Yuuri’s wedding band: http://www.tiffany.com.au/engagement/womens-wedding-bands/tiffany-harmony-ring-GRP08148?fromGrid=1&origin=browse&trackpdp=bg&fromcid=716543&trackgridpos=10 
> 
> Maiko’s wedding band: http://www.tiffany.com.au/engagement/womens-wedding-bands/tiffany-harmony-ring-GRP08146?fromGrid=1&origin=browse&trackpdp=bg&fromcid=716543&trackgridpos=12 
> 
> Maria is Maria Victorovna from GentleWhispering ASMR minus the whole ASMR thing: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6gLlIAnzg7eJ8VuXDCZ_vg 
> 
> Also, I'm kinda looking for a beta?? I'm SO terrible at editing my work and I never do it, so if you'd like to beta and read some of my chapters early, leave a comment and I'll give you my email or Tumblr or something. (By the way, my Tumblr is yuuribooty and you should totally check it out because I definitely post regularly on there.)


	2. The Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Maria share some big news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo!! thanks for stopping by to read the second chapter of this thing– it was beta'ed (betaed? this is why i have a beta) by [yamagusheep!](/users/yamagusheep) She's an amazing beta and writer and just generally very nice.
> 
> I also want to point out that I know practically nothing about ice dancing so bare with me. I'm just using my singles knowledge here so I'm v sorry if I get anything wrong.

**January 2015**

 

‘Blue roses? Are you _kidding_ me?’ Maiko almost yelled as she sat at their kitchen island with her wedding binder open on page “ _flowers_.” Yuuri loved how organised Maiko was, but the intensity of the red flowers on those two pages made him want to wash his eyes out. He kind of wished they were having blue roses. Yuuri leant on the counter from the other side, morning coffee in hand.

 

'That’s just what he said Maria wanted, but they both said they’d totally understand if you went with your preference. They’re really grateful for letting this wedding become a joint one, they will understand and be okay with all of your decisions. I’m sure if it really bothered them, they would’ve had their own wedding, Maiko,’ Yuuri reassured her, reaching out and squeezing her shoulder.

 

‘I know, I know. I just worry– it’s their wedding too, and as much as it frustrates me that they decide to join in on the party just four months before the wedding, I don’t want them to hate it,’ Maiko confessed. Yuuri also loved how concerned Maiko was for other people’s feelings. When he’d first met her, Yuuri had thought she hated anything and anyone and was a perfectionist to the core. And that she was, that was why Yuuri had wanted her as his ice dance partner, but she didn’t hate anything and anyone. She just hated most things, but definitely not Victor or Maria. Maiko had admired them as much as Yuuri had, back in the day. Yuuri suspected some of these warm fuzzy feelings Maiko was feeling towards them had grown out of that past admiration, and if it was anyone else, Maiko wouldn’t care about their flower preferences at all. ‘And, blue roses are so boring and cliché.’ Yuuri laughed.

 

‘Alright, don’t work too hard, we still have to practice, you know,’ Yuuri reminded her. ‘And we’re flying out for European Championships in a week, right? There’s less than a month til–’

 

‘Until Four Continents, yes, I _know_. I promised this wedding wouldn’t distract me from our training and I’m sticking to it,’ Maiko replied, closing up the thick, peach binder, waiting for Yuuri’s response.

 

‘And I know this is my wedding too,’ Yuuri answered, saying it for the thousandth time. They often did have different priorities; in the beginning, they both loved skating and nothing else mattered, but as they came into adulthood, Maiko often found other little hobbies, while Yuuri was always throwing himself into training. (Not to say that their wedding planning was a hobby.) Once, while drunk, as most stories start, Maiko had told him he was running away from something, and that was why Maiko could venture into other interests while Yuuri never thought of anything but skating. Yuuri had said it was just Maiko drunk, and if you asked him now, he would say the same. He would say it was just habit, from his formative years, and he never learned any different. But, now as they were in the thick of planning their wedding, and Yuuri still couldn’t put all of his attention to it for more than ten minutes, it began to worry him. Not in the way that he would be bored or helpless after he retired, but rather, worry that he’d never be able to do other things with Maiko that didn’t include skating or eating; that once they retired, he would become uninteresting to her. But Maiko’s insistence upon having Yuuri involved in the wedding planning proved otherwise, and Yuuri kept reminding himself of it.

 

‘Okay, I’m to go shower and go for a run– will I see you at the rink?’ Yuuri asked, setting his half-finished second coffee cup of the day next to the sink. Maiko didn’t look up from her, but nodded in acknowledgement. Yuuri didn’t worry, even if Maiko hadn’t heard him, they did this six days a week, and Maiko would know what it meant when Yuuri vanished after his shower, thirty minutes before they started their training. Yuuri smiled at the peach wedding binder. He’d have to go through that himself, one day.

 

–

 

‘So, how is the wedding planning going?’ Victor asked as he shed his shirt in locker room. Yuuri looked away and instead looked in the mirrors above the sinks. He looked at himself– sweaty and gross. How _is_ the wedding planning going? Yuuri didn’t know much about it, but Maiko hadn’t come to him complaining about anything so he assumed it was going well.

 

‘Good. You might be better off asking Maiko though,’ Yuuri replied, rummaging through his skating bag for his after-practice clothes. He found them and quickly walked past Victor, who was butt naked and changing here, since he preferred to use the shower home, which Yuuri understood, considering that Victor and Maria owned the penthouse in their building, so their shower was as luxury as you could get. Yuuri lived two floors below the couple with Maiko, and while their apartment was nice and flashy looking, it wasn’t anywhere near as beautiful as Victor’s. Yuuri wished that they could have the majority of their ‘dinner parties’ at Victor’s and Maria’s, but Maiko was far too facilitating for that. Yuuri couldn’t even count the number of times Maiko had invited them around and spent hours fussing over the preparation of the evening on two hands.

 

Yuuri disappeared into a shower stall and showered, all while listening to the sounds of Victor pottering around the room. It became clear that Victor wouldn’t be leaving before Yuuri hopped out like he usually did to give Yuuri space and use the excuse of needing to ride back with Maria, even though he very well knew that Victor ran home. Yuuri was very grateful for Victor always taking an early leave at the end of their synced practice sessions, even though there wasn’t any reason for Victor to stay anyway. When they’d first started sharing a rink, though, Victor would always wait for Yuuri to finish showering so he could run back home with him, which made Yuuri’s heartbeat increase ten fold because holy shit, he was out for a jog with Victor Nikiforov, and that fact itself made Yuuri want to sprint home to get away from _Victor freaking Nikiforov_ , but of course his heart was beating way too fast for the rest of his body to keep up, which meant he would probably end up a panting, sweaty heap on the sidewalk if said sprinting was attempted. Either way, running home with Victor Nikiforov never ended well for Yuuri. So, Yuuri was beyond grateful when Victor sensed the other man's overwhelming panic from being alone with him, and opted to give himself a head start. (Although, Yuuri did love it when they’d bump into each other waiting for the elevator at their apartment lobby.)

 

Yuuri finished quickly to see what the other man was waiting for. He hopped into the clothes he wore to the ballet studio plus some gym shorts to cover up his crotch that his tights so unkindly put on display. Yuuri hoped his hair didn’t look weird when he came out to see Victor. Victor was perched on the locker room bench, staring at Yuuri.

 

‘Hi,’ Victor said, without his usual charisma.

 

‘Hi,’ Yuuri parroted back, waiting for Victor’s reason to stay.

 

‘I, uh, wanted to ask you for a favour,’ Victor asked tentatively. ‘Maria and I wanna know how the weddings going, and what it’s going to be like– not so we can change anything, we’re just curious.’

 

‘I already told you Maiko would be better at informing you than I am,’ Yuuri repeated, taking a seat at the end of the bench.

 

‘I know, but… it’s just– I’m scared of Maiko. Maria is scared of her too, we’re _both_ scared of her,’ Victor confessed. ‘Yes, I know I see her practically every day and like we go out for dinner together, and she’s never been mean to us, even at competitions, but _Yuuri_ ,’ Victor paused, adding emphasis to Yuuri’s name that made Yuuri’s heartbeat quicken, ‘she’s scary.’ Yuuri’s jaw dropped. Victor and Maria were scared of Maiko?

 

‘But, what do you think she’s going to do? Tell you to bugger off?’ Yuuri asked, wanting to laugh. Yes, she could be one hell of a prick, but she rarely ever was mean to someone to their face, only merely intimidating them with her stature and confidence. She certainly wouldn’t be mean to Victor or Maria.

 

‘It’s just, she’s so judgemental. No offence, to you or to her, we love both of you, but going to her to talk and invade on something so special to her is _scary_ . I know she won’t say it but you two got engaged thinking you’d be married without anyone else, and she began planning this wedding with the idea of it being tailored for just you and her, and I know that this isn’t what she’d prefer,’ Victor argued. ‘I’m just begging you, _please_ , could you tell us about the plans? Doesn’t she have some files or a binder we can look at? Please?’

 

Yuuri could never say no to Victor begging him– it would be a crime. ‘Alright. But not tonight, maybe at Europeans since we’re tagging along and Maiko will probably bring her binder. We can have a look while she’s sleeping because you know how she is with jetlag, okay?’ Victor frantically nodded, his eyes gleaming with appreciation and gratitude. The fact that Victor looked grateful towards Yuuri– _because_ of Yuuri, made him want to squeal in excitement. He was quite looking forward to stealing from his own wife for the sake of pleasing Victor.

 

–

 

Yuuri boarded the plane, eyeing the big, fat binder slotted into Maiko’s carry on bag. Yuuri had probably worried and thought about the plan that involved technically stealing Maiko’s peach binder. He was more excited about it than anxious, though. He was excited to interact with Victor and Maria without Maiko knowing– to have something something between them that was just between _them_. Yuuri’s tummy was full of butterflies, and he couldn’t wait for Maiko to pass out when they got to Zagreb, Croatia. Maybe they’d even joke around, even joke about Maiko. They all loved her, but she was very easy to make fun of.

 

The plane ride was shorter than Yuuri wanted it to be, but plane rides were always shorter than Yuuri wanted them to be. Except for that one time he’d flown to New Zealand for a vacation with Maiko, that had been an appropriately long plane ride. Yuuri loved flying, especially alone, which he didn’t get to much. He loved sitting in the seat next to the window and watching the clouds pass and looking at the ground or ocean below. He loved that for over ten hours he didn’t have to do anything but sit and eat and listen to music and look after and talk to Maiko. But they’d been flying together for five years now, and Maiko had learned that Yuuri liked everything to be quiet when he flew. Yuuri was forever grateful. The ride this time was just over twelve hours, and Maiko was silent the whole time.

 

Yuuri arrived in Zagreb feeling refreshed and ready for the peach binder heist. Maiko was practically falling asleep on top of him when they got to the hotel, and Yuuri managed to get down to her shirt and underwear before she collapsed in bed. She hadn’t slept the whole flight, and Croatia was seven hours behind Tokyo so she hadn’t slept in over twenty hours. Yuuri pulled the covers over her and sighed, pulling out his phone and grinning.

 

 **Yuuri 19:57** She’s asleep!

 **Maria 19:57** Yes!!! Do you want to bring the binder to our room or shall we come to yours?

Yuuri chuckled at Maria fast response– that was the number one thing he loved about the rivalling couple– they were the best at texting back fast, although Yuuri knew he would sometimes annoy them with his own slow response time.

 **Victor 19:58** Yuuuuuuuri you have to come to our room!! WE HAVE A PRIVATE POOL

 **Yuuri 20:00** It’s January

 **Victor 20:00** Still cool though

 **Victor 20:00** Come overrr

Yuuri had thought they’d come to his room, and they’d have to stifle their laughter at Maiko’s crazy organisation as to not wake Maiko up, and that way if she did wake up, she wouldn’t go insane finding her wedding binder missing. But, it was Victor and Maria, and he couldn’t say no to them.

 **Yuuri: 20:01** Okay okay, I’m coming

 **Maria 20:01** Room 501

Of course they stayed on the top floor, while he and Maiko stayed on the bottom one. Of course they had a private pool.

Yuuri made his way up to Maria’s and Victor’s room, but paused outside. Every time he entered their hotel room, or even their own apartment, Yuuri always felt like he would see something huge and big and overwhelming. Like they’d decided to renovate their apartment over the week, or maybe they’d replaced or the hotel’s bedsheets with their own, neon ones. Maybe they’d ordered a buffet to be sent to their room, and Yuuri would walk into their room and see a wall of metal stands with trays full of steaming food. But, most of the time, Victor and Maria’s place of residence looked nothing more than luxurious. Most of the time– they _were_ known for their impulsivity, and Yuuri knew Maria had a bit of a spending problem. Not that it was any of his business.

Yuuri knocked on the door, praying for nothing extreme to happen. The door flung open, and there stood Victor in a grey long sleeve shirt and black jeans that kind of looked like Maria’s ‘mom jeans’ but he looked super good anyway. His hair was perfect, and he smelled amazing. (Yuuri really needed to find out where Victor bought his cologne because he seemed to have it on always, and it always lasted through anything– even their weekly joint training at the gym.)

‘Yuuri!’ Victor exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air, then stepping forward and throwing an arm around Yuuri, to guide him into the where– _holy shit_ – Maria was in a wedding dress.

‘Maria? Are you in a wedding dress?’ Yuuri asked, dumbfounded. They’d arrived at their hotel merely twenty minutes ago– how had Maria gotten into her dress in that amount of time. And, _why_ did she decide to put on her wedding dress?

‘Yes, this is my wedding dress! I’ve been thinking about it the whole plane ride, and once we got back I just had to try it on to make sure I still looked good in it. Do you think it looks good?’

Yuuri faltered. Was he even meant to be seeing Maria’s wedding dress– was Victor meant to be seeing it?

‘I think you look amazing! Doesn’t she look amazing, Yuuri?’ Victor asked, and Yuuri nodded, not saying much more. It felt weird to be seeing Maria’s wedding dress, nearly four months before the actual wedding.

‘Um, I have the binder. Maiko’s binder,’ Yuuri said, holding out said binder. ‘It’s really important to her so we can’t be changing anything, or messing it up, and she’ll freak out if she finds it gone, okay?’ Yuuri asked, carefully laying down the binder on the white, large wooden desk. Yuuri took the seat in front of it, and Victor joined him at his side, one hand, far too close to him, sitting on the back of the chair, and another hand pressing onto the desk next to the binder. Yuuri breathed, turning around to wait for Maria, but instantly looked away once she found she was _changing with him in the room_. Yuuri shook the images out of his head and looked up at Victor, who was patiently waiting. Right. Yuuri opened the binder to the second page, skipping the cover one. The first page were five pocketfuls of receipts. Yuuri skipped past that one. The second page, however, was titled ‘Venue’ in big, pink, curly print. On one side lay different pictures and links to sites to book the venues, and on the other side lay their chosen venue, which was near Sapporo. It was a huge estate with a big, grand hall and big, lavish gardens surrounding it. Maiko had pictures of an actual ceremony taking place outside and pictures of a reception inside.

‘Wow, beautiful place,’ Victor remarked, his mouth close to his ear, sending tickles down Yuuri’s back. Yuuri tensed and sucked in his tummy muscles– a habit he’d taken from his Fat Kid Days. Yuuri pressed his lips together and turned the page, finding the wedding dress page. Nowhere was Maiko’s actual dress, just inspiration and her favourite dress places. Yuuri pushed through and turned the page again, feeling anxiety creeping through him. Victor had never been this close to him before. Whenever they were alone together, it was usually meters away in an ice rink, or from one side of the gym to the other. Maybe they’d stand together in an elevator, but Victor had never been so close that Yuuri could smell his breath– it was minty fresh. Yuuri swallowed, and tried to examine the page he was on– the one about nearby hotels for guests and themselves. They’d chosen a quaint little place five minutes down the road. Victor seemed to like it, and when Maria joined them, she seemed to like it too.

‘Um, do you guys just want to have a look? I’ve seen all this,’ Yuuri said, after a few quiet minutes.

‘Oh, Yuuri! That would be great, we’re so excited to know what’s going on, and we already really like what we’ve seen,’ Maria exclaimed, stepping away so Yuuri could get out of the seat. Maria slipped down and Yuuri watched Victor’s hand go from it’s place on the back of the chair to Maria’s shoulder. Yuuri’s heart clenched again at the sight. He heard murmurs coming from them and occasionally Maria would point at something and Victor would point at something else. Yuuri looked around the room– it was bigger than his and Maiko’s. The bed took the centre of the room, and opposite that was the biggest flat screen T.V. Yuuri had ever seen– it was bigger than Victor’s T.V. at home. There was a walk in closet on one side, and next to it a door to the bathroom. Opposite that, past the bed, was the giant balcony decorated with chairs and small pool and spa. Boring but classy paintings hung on the wall– one of the hanging above the bar in one corner of the room that had alcohol, a mini fridge and two menus for room service. Yuuri’s stomach grumbled at the idea of dinner– he wondered if he’d be eating alone or if Victor and Maria would invite him to stay and eat. Or maybe they’d all go out together.

‘Thinking about dinner, Yuuri?’ Victor chuckled, looking over to where Yuuri was staring at the bar. Yuuri smiled nervously and shrugged, then pulled out his phone so he didn’t have to look at Victor any longer. He opened his news app and looked at the sports section, trying find any news about the upcoming competition.

Yuuri almost dropped his phone when he found a headline that suggested Victor and Maria not competing at Worlds, and even possibly pulling out last minute at this one. It had been leaked from the ISU, so _something_ was going on there. Yuuri furrowed his brows and looked over at the couple and saw nothing wrong with them– why would they be pulling out? Why hadn’t they told him and Maiko? Yuuri kept reading, even though his anxiety was rising again. There were photos from Russian Nationals from a month ago where Maria had disappeared before and after their skates– but Victor hung around. Was something wrong with Maria? Yuuri shook his head, opting to not read any further. If there really was anything wrong with Maria, surely Victor would tell them, and if he hadn’t, he would soon. Victor wouldn’t keep Yuuri and Maiko in the dark for no reason.

‘So, dinner?’ Victor asked as Maria closed the binder.

‘We had a look and everything looks very nice. Thank you for doing this for us– we just wanted to know how everything was progressing,’ Maria said, handing the heavy binder to Yuuri.

‘I’m sure Maiko would’ve filled you in eventually. I should be going now, I need to get this back to my room,’ Yuuri said, excusing himself and walking to the door, feeling a little deflated. He expected this whole thing to be a lot more fun– the one time he got to be with Maria and Victor alone, they’d barely spoken.

‘Come back here, after? We’ll order some dinner,’ Victor told him, it being more of an order than a request. Yuuri nodded and slipped out.

 

The next day Maiko and Yuuri watched Maria and Victor skate– they didn’t pull out– and win gold. Their free skate performance almost beat the highest point record set by Yuuri and Maiko at the Grand Prix earlier in the season. For the short program, they skated to Le Jardin Féerique, a beautiful, melodic but not sad classical piece. Yuuri had loved the music since the day Maria and Victor had showed it to him, stating their theme to be ‘Still Loving,’ but then had changed it to ‘New Life,’ in early November. Their costumes were all white, except for almost coffee-like stains on the edges of Victor’s suit jacket, and on the ends of Maria’s skirt, kind of like when a white flower starts to decay. They scored high in their short program, but not as high as they did in their free skate, where they danced to the can can music (they even wore burlesque costumes with it) to show their excitement about whatever it was that was so revitalising.

 

–

 

**February 3rd**

 

Yuuri looked around the room, admiring his work with the pink balloons and the nice tablecloths and the candles. He eyed the oven and felt a surge of excitement run through him at the food he’d made, ready to be eaten. Yuuri checked the time and saw Victor and Maiko would be arriving in less than five minutes. Yuuri took a deep breath and hoped all of this was up to Maiko’s standard. This was the first time he’d ever organised a party, never mind his _fiancé’s birthday party._ Maiko had organised so many parties and dinners and she was in the midst of throwing together a whole wedding– Yuuri could never compare, Yuuri was just hoping his plan for _this_ party didn’t anger her.

It was just them– Victor, Maria, Yuuri and Maiko. None of them really had any other friends, apart from ones they skated against. Yuuri had heard that Victor was friends with Christophe Giacometti, and of course Victor and Maria were still distantly friends with Mila, Georgi and Yuri from their old rink in Russia. Yuuri had Phichit, a Thai skater he’d met two years ago. Maiko had apparently cultivated a friendship Soo Jung, a Korean ice dancer who was partnered with Seung Gil Lee. They had their skating friends who they saw no more than a few times a year, but apart from that, Yuuri just had Maria, Maiko and Victor. They often had dinners together, usually a few times a week. They sometimes went out on Saturday nights, since Sundays were their off-days. They usually shared a rink, with Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays being their shared rink time. On Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, Yuuri and Maiko got the morning session while Maria and Victor skated in the afternoons. Usually, on Tuesdays, just after Yuuri was finished at the rink with Maiko and just before Victor and was due to skate with Maria, he and Yuuri would head to the gym next to their apartment block and workout together. They say “together” but it’s usually from different sides of the room, and they often have company in the form of sweaty strangers. Their gym time together had been increasing lately because Maria often missed days at the rink– doctor’s appointments, feeling sick, family matters. Over the past month, Victor had said them all. Yuuri, looking at that fact, was starting to think something might actually be wrong with Maria and they would be pulling out of Worlds.

‘I think it looks great, Yuuri,’ Maria remarked as she finished tying down the last helium inflated balloon.

‘Really?’ Yuuri asked, raking his eyes over the open plan of their apartment. Yuuri stood by the door to see what it would look like from Maiko’s perspective. Their wall length mirrors bathed everything in light, and the pink balloons looked lovely with the sun on them. Their dining table was surrounded by new, pink cushions just for this occasion. The kitchen was mostly the same if a bit cleaner than it usually was, not that it ever really got messy, except for that one time where Victor had insisted upon helping Yuuri with dinner. To the right of the dining area was the lounge room, where those floor-to-ceiling windows covered one wall and cast light annoyingly onto their tv. Their couch was a light blue and smallish– big enough for four people to sit upright, small enough for two people to relax on it and not one more. The straw, woven rug was pink– it was the only thing Yuuri had let Maiko put in the house that was her favourite shade of pink. Behind the lounging area were the doors to the bathroom, study, laundry and storage closets. On the other side of the dining area was the door to their bedroom and just right of that sat the door that lead to the outside world.

Yuuri looked it over and thought that it was as perfect as he could get it to look. In the kitchen sat out their slow cooker, cooking sukiyaki, in two woks on the stove sat gyudon and yakisoba, and in the oven a batch of okonomiyaki. In the fridge sat a traditional Japanese cheesecake. If Yuuri did have any hobbies other than skating, it was cooking. He cooked something new for dinner every single week, and he’d often prepare lunches for him and Maiko to eat at the rink. At least Yuuri knew Maiko wouldn’t be disappointed with the food. Yuuri didn’t really know why he’d decided to try and host this thing for Maiko. Something mushy came out of him that usually didn’t.

And to speak of the devil, the doorbell rang and Victor called out, letting them know that they’d arrived. Yuuri sucked in a breath and looked over at Maria.

‘It’s perfect, Yuuri, _really_ ,’ Maria reassured him, looking over at the door. Yuuri was so grateful that she’d had a ‘doctor’s appointment’ this morning and couldn’t practice and had come over to see how Yuuri was doing with the preparations.

Yuuri walked over to the door and swung it open with as much force as Victor would have. Victor was wearing a fucking suit, and Maiko was in a black, strapless, body-con. It was like she was trying to tease Yuuri, sometimes. Victor’s suit was grey and his blazer was unbuttoned, so it did make for a casual suit with the lack of tie, but _still_. Maria was wearing a flowing, knee-length dress with no waist tapering. Yuuri, however, was just wearing some of his best, therefore tightest, black jeans, vans and knitted, elbow-patched, dark green sweater. Yuuri had totally forgotten about the dressing up part of the evening– usually Maiko was there to remind him. Yuuri blushed but stepped aside to let Maiko and Victor in. Maiko eyed his clothing choice, but didn’t say anything. Yuuri anxiously watched her as she took in the room.

‘Oh, Yuuri, this looks great. And smells amazing, too,’ Maiko remarked, stepped further into the apartment, followed by Victor who set down both his and Maiko’s skating bags next to their small shoe rack that only really contained Yuuri’s shoes– most of Maiko’s shoes lived in a gigantic section of their closet.

‘I made gyudon, yakisoba, cheesecake and okonomiyaki,’ Yuuri told them, proud of himself. Maiko surely hadn’t had food this good at any of her other twenty birthdays, unless she’d gone out to a really fancy, amazing restaurant for a birthday. Then it would be second best.

‘Ugh, Yuuri, you’re amazing,’ Maiko moaned, thinking of all the good food they were going to eat that they usually didn’t allow themselves. Maiko leaned to Yuuri and kissed him deeply– something they usually didn’t do in front of other people.

‘What kind of cheesecake did you make?’ Victor asked, his hands behind his back and looking a little awkward. Yuuri was grateful that he was one of the only ones to see Victor look awkward; he was usually so charismatic and charming.

Yuuri pulled away from Maiko’s hold a little, but let her hands rest on his waist. ‘It’s a traditional Japanese one– have you seen those bouncy cheesecakes? It’s kind of like that,’ Yuuri explained, his attention not fully on what he was saying– he was more focused on Maiko’s hands on his waist. They rarely properly cuddly or were as affectionate as Maria and Victor were, so touches like these always made his heart race. Yuuri kissed Maiko again, to her and his own surprise, planting his hands on her shoulders. Maiko pulled away after a longer time that she would have normally and went to whisper in Yuuri’s ear.

‘Tonight, I want it to happen tonight,’ Yuuri heard her whisper. Tingles ran through his spine and he pulled back quickly. But they hadn’t even gotten married yet! Maiko winked at him and broke away from Yuuri, leaving to inspect the fridge for alcohol or something.

‘Wow, Yuuri, that was hot,’ Victor joked, placing his hands on his hips. He looked awkward again. Maria slapped his arm and giggled.

‘Don’t listen to him, Yuuri.’ Maiko appeared again, wine in hand. She sat it on the lowered dining table, in the bucket of ice Yuuri had provided, and Yuuri watched Maria tense.

‘Yuuri, it looks better when it is presented straight from the bucket. A bucket of ice on the table just looks silly,’ Maiko lectured. ‘Speaking of, wine anybody?’

‘You already know _my_ answer,’ Victor replied, sitting down at the table and resting his head on his hand, smiling up at Maiko charmingly.

 

Maiko nodded and poured two glasses of wine– one for herself and one for Victor. She didn’t even ask Yuuri, she’d never let him drink unless it was after a competition and they weren’t in a hugely public area or if she just wasn’t there at all. Yuuri sighed– he could handle _one glass_ , but he guessed he’d forfeited his drinking rights when he’d made Maiko ashamed to be around him when he was even just tipsy. Yuuri and Maria sat down too, but Yuuri sat next to Victor, and Maria sat next to Maiko.

 

They chatted, and Victor downed two glasses of wine – now that was a man who could handle his alcohol. Yuuri had never actually seen Victor properly drunk (Yuuri didn’t even want to know what it would take to make that man drunk,). Before long, Yuuri was pulling out his prepared dinner, and everyone was digging in and praising him, making him red. On his fifth glass, Victor’s face had a slight flush, and he’d make comments like ‘oh, Yuuri! You’re so cute when you blush! Maiko, doesn’t he look cute?’ and ‘Yuuri! We have matching blushes, do you think I’m as cute as you, yet?’ like Yuuri’s level of cuteness was one that needed to be achieved. Victor was always trying to achieve things.

 

Eventually, Maiko was slightly tipsy, while he and Maria hadn’t had a touch of any alcohol, (they’d moved onto the champagne Victor had brought over, and were set to drink the sake with dessert) and Yuuri was clearing their bowls and plates.

 

‘It was so good, Yuuri,’ Maiko exclaimed, champagne glass in hand. Yuuri smiled. ‘You haven’t had anything to drink yet, Maria, do you want anything? We have beer, and sake we were going to pull out soon, or some vodka?’

 

‘Uh, no, I’m off alcohol,’ Maria said, her eyes to shifting to Victor. She cleared her throat, and Yuuri couldn’t get back to the table, hoping she would finally say something about pulling out at Worlds.

 

‘What? Why? Is it the calories? Because, let me tell you, you look amazing,’ Maiko said, leaning on the table with her elbows.

 

‘Uh, no, it’s not the calories. It’s actually, uh, well,’ Maria stuttered out, before grabbing Victor’s hand and taking a deep breath. _Holy shit_ , it was happening. There was so much happening, Maria was announcing that she was probably pregnant and or seriously, invisibly ill, and Yuuri was finally sleeping with Maiko. ‘I’m pregnant.’ Victor ducked his head and smiled. Maria broke out into a grin, too. ‘Three months on Thursday.’

 

‘Pregnant? But you’re in the middle of a season! And you’re only twenty four, too!’ Maiko exclaimed. Maria just shrugged.

 

‘We’re pulling out for the rest of this season and all of the 2016 season, except for maybe Russian Nationals and or Europeans. She’s due mid-August, so the baby will be about five months by Nationals,’ Victor explained, beaming with excitement.

 

‘ _The baby_? Wow, this is so… unexpected. Congratulations.’

 

‘Yeah, congratulations,’ Yuuri uttered, feeling a deep ache inside of him weigh in his chest. _Fuck._ Yuuri swallowed. ‘You really think you’re going to be able to compete by Russian Nationals?’

 

‘Yes, I mean, it’ll be hard, and this certainly wasn’t planned, but I’ll probably have four months of training. I’m sure I’ll be back in order in that time period, and if I’m not, that's fine too. I mean, really, now, I just feel like the baby is my top priority.’

 

‘What about Victor?’ Yuuri blurted. What _about_ Victor? Victor wanted this just as much as Maria, right? But, would he still train? Would they still go to the gym together? Would they bump into each other waiting for the elevator? Would they ever _really_ get back on the ice? How would Yuuri compete in a season without him?

 

‘I’m going to keep training to maintain my abilities, but I’m taking the season off, too. I’m dedicating the next year to looking after Maria and my baby,’ Victor said, his voice full of emotion and sincerity. Yuuri nodded, looking down at his where his plate had been. He remembered the dessert in the fridge.

 

‘So, dessert?’ Yuuri asked, stiffly, wanting to get away from the emotionally-charged couple. Maiko nodded at him, and Yuuri slipped away. Maiko didn’t look that good either, but it wasn’t the same kind of ‘not good’ as Yuuri was feeling. Maiko just looked pissed because her thunder had been stolen, and Yuuri wasn’t pissed. He was… pensive? Whatever it was that he was feeling, he knew it didn’t matter and he should be happy for them. He knew he shouldn’t be feeling the way he did.

 

Yuuri took out the cheesecake and had one lasting thought before he attention was directed to the food– he wasn’t getting laid tonight, not with Maiko’s inevitable sour mood.

 

–

 

**May 10th 2005**

 

Victor watched Maria run figure eights on the ice. Her grace was fantastic, her poise was flawless, and she looked like the sort of person who would stand by Victor. Victor was fourteen, and he’d been through six different ice dance partners. He was a year into the junior division, and from here on out, he couldn’t have a partner who bailed. And not just a Leave Before a Competition bail, a Leave In This Century bail. Victor needed someone he’d skate with for his entire skating career– until he retired and beyond. He needed a skating partner who gave as much of themselves to the ice as he did. He looked over at Mila with longing– how she could be a great skating partner, only if she was just a few years older. He wondered who she would partner off with when the time came, or if she would partner with anyone at all. Victor could definitely could see her being a singles skater. Victor could almost imagine being a singles skater himself, but he’d fallen in love with ice dancing– the moves were so much more than just jumps and spins. It was a _dance_ between two people, doing something so risky but beautiful at the same time. The moves, the lifts, even the fucking twizzles, Victor loved all of it. He just hoped this Maria girl did too. She was wearing a pair of white skates, white leggings and a loose, pink, cropped top that exposed her shoulders and _bright green sports bra_. Maria gained some speed and launched into a Biellmann spin, then into a camel. She laughed when she finished, then launched into a series of impressive twizzles. Victor wondered how good she was with jumps. Victor checked her weight and posture and stamina as he watched her, calculating if lifting her and holding her around his shoulders would be hard to do with her. Or, if Victor would allow himself to practice death spirals with her. He’d been meaning to try those for a while. Maria seemed amazing on the ice and Victor hoped she was just as good off it. Victor hoped she was friendly and disciplined and just as passionate as he is. Victor was wary of the fact that they are a year apart, so Victor would have to stay in the junior division an extra year, but maybe that wouldn’t be too bad.

 

Maria ended her practice fifteen minutes later, stepping off the ice, putting on her skate guards and thanking Yakov for letting her use the rink while she was in town. Yakov put an arm around her– something Yakov would never do unless he wanted something from said person– and said something to her that made her eyes light up. Victor softened at the expression and prayed that Yakov’s comforting arm around her has already convinced her to stay in St. Petersburg and become Victor’s dance partner. Really, it would be silly for Maria not to; her rink was small and her coach didn’t have much experience, her partner back home was weak and could barely lift her. He and Yakov were giving her the opportunity to skate with Victor Nikiforov and skate under Yakov Feltsman, at the same rink as Evgenia Medvedeva! She’d be stupid not to move here. If all those factors didn’t get her to stay, then surely Victor’s skating would.

 

Victor saw them approaching him, and so he quickly stepped onto the ice, wanting to wow her with his talent before he pushed her away with his overbearing passion.

 

Victor tried as hard as he could– he rehearsed some singles programs he sometimes ran through in his spare time. He tried jumps, even launching into a successful triple loop. Yakov eventually got tired of his showing off and boasting and called him off the ice. (Victor did catch the way he smiled when he called for Victor and acted like Victor always trained like that, but Maria didn’t seem stupid enough to think that this wasn’t all for show.)

 

‘Victor, this is Maria, Maria, this is Victor,’ Yakov said, introducing them. Victor didn’t say anything at first, stepping off the ice and carefully sliding on his skate guards first, to show Maria that he took care of his skates; to show that he was precise and disciplined and was a worthy partner.

 

‘Good morning, Victor,’ Maria said, offering her small hand out. Victor took it and smiled, shaking in.

 

‘Good morning, Maria,’ he parroted back, noting that Maria was just as tall as him, if not taller. Victor tried to straighten his back and stand taller. (He’d hit his growth spurt eventually.) ‘How are you finding St. Petersburg?’

 

‘Oh, it’s just wonderful! Although I haven’t had much time to explore since I got here just six hours ago and I’ve spent most of that time at the rink—by the way, this rink is incredible!’ she rambled, throwing her hands in the air to show her excitement. Victor _loved_ it. Victor loved _her_.

 

‘The rink is pretty good here,’ Victor noted, looking around the stadium. _Pretty good indeed_.

 

‘So, Maria, if you would like, Victor is willing to be your ice dance partner– I’m sure he would be honoured,’ Yakov said, interrupting their small talk.

 

‘That I would.’

 

‘Oh my, yes! That would be great and I think I would be more honoured to work with _you_ , Victor,’ Maria said, almost ignoring Yakov and turning her attention to Victor, fluttering her eyelashes that would’ve made Victor recoil if he were older. But holy shit– _Maria Viktorovna_ was almost flirting with him!

 

‘Alright then. It is official, we’re ice dancers!’ Victor cheered while pumping his fists, even though he knew it technically wasn’t official yet. ‘Victor Nikiforov and Maria Viktorovna, world's best ice dancers.’

 

And they were, at least for the next six years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! I plan to update this fic every two weeks, so the next update will hopefully be on the 16th.
> 
> Read my other completed chaptered fic, [Heaven in Hiding](/works/12414780/chapters/28251177)
> 
> [Victor and Maria's short program music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqNBoKk97_Y)
> 
> [Victor and Maria's free skate music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Diu2N8TGKA&list=PLCF7F233BB60DAD2E) (I know and I'm sorry.)
> 
> Also my instagram is [mermaids61](https://www.instagram.com/mermaids61/) and my tumblr is [yuuribooty](https://yuuribooty.tumblr.com/)


	3. The Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Maria come over for a dinner party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much thanks to my beta yamagusheep!

Yuuri has ten things he likes about his dinners with their rivalling couple, Maria and Victor. He’d created this list after he’d had his first dinner with Victor and Maria back in 2012. Back then, the list had only been five things, and four of them had centred around Victor because holy fuck, his idol and ice dancing legend Victor Nikiforov was sitting at his dining table. 

The list started with a bottle of Moët & Chandon champagne that Victor, without a doubt, always brought. Yuuri couldn’t really believe that Victor was bringing Moët & Chandon over to his house, and he couldn’t believe that Victor found a place to buy Moët & Chandon champagne. Nevertheless, Yuuri always enjoyed it when Victor brought over a bottle, even if these days Maiko rarely let him touch a drop of alcohol––  _ especially _ in front of Maria and Victor. (It was comforting to know that Maiko still wanted to impress Maria and Victor as much as Yuuri did.) The first year of being friends with the ice dancing couple were a blast—Yuuri got at least half-drunk every time they came over. Victor always had some alcohol with him, and if it wasn’t fucking Moët & Chandon, it was  _ vodka _ . 

Tonight, Victor had brought a Moët & Chandon Grand Vintage 2008. As soon as Victor stepped through the door, he’d started pouring everyone a glass in the kitchen as the girls looked out at the Tokyo skyline. Victor had been so excited about his new bottle of champagne that he’d actually fed Yuuri half of his own glass. The tips of his fingers had rested on Yuuri’s chin and jaw as he pushed Yuuri’s head up and his mouth open, getting him to drink the champagne as quickly as possible, before Maiko had spotted them. (And as everyone knew, Victor did not want to get caught doing something he shouldn’t by Katsuki Maiko.)

 

The second item on the list, something he’d added last year, was Victor’s outfits. Yuuri couldn’t be more in awe of how Victor dressed, or that Victor actually put in effort to look good for their small dinner parties. His fashion sense was a thousand times better than anyone else—even Maria’s—and every time Victor stepped into a room, Yuuri was never able to take his eyes away. Seriously, how did anyone manage to look that good? Tonight, as Victor pulled as his glass away from Yuuri’s lips and moved to the dining area with the girls, Yuuri admired Victor’s dark green dress shirt that was tucked into his black,  _ very fitted _ , slacks, which matched his expensive watch. 

 

One of Yuuri’s favourite outfits had been a particular silver suit that he’d worn at the 2012 World Championship Banquet, just after he’d cut his hair. It shimmered and looked wonderful with the dark purple of his vest and tie, the dull tartan pattern going well with the bright, sparkling silver of the jacket and slacks. He’d looked amazing and so very eye-catching. 

Another of his favourites had been Victor in a dress shirt that was blue and floral, tucked into a pair of high-waisted, black skinny jeans with navy dress shoes. The shirt had been unbuttoned a little, exposing Victor’s chest, and his sleeves rolled up neatly, exposing his forearms. While that outfit had been one of Yuuri’s favourites (mostly because Victor had worn skinny jeans and a patterned dress shirt, things Yuuri loved but never thought he could ever pull off), that outfit always made him giggle, because it was very,  _ very _ gay. This whole bullet point was gay. But important. It always made Yuuri think of the time before Victor had gotten together with Maria and the whole skating world thought Victor was gay. Yuuri believed it—I mean, he was very feminine and very…  _ extra _ . But now that Yuuri knew Victor personally, he could never mistake the way Victor looked at Maria for anything but love.  _ Moving on _ . 

 

Numero three—the food.  _ The food _ —god, it was always so very fucking good. Whether it was at Yuuri’s place or Victor’s, or even out at a restaurant, it was fantastic. And, out of the three of them, Yuuri always appreciated it the most. Maiko would look at him funny every time he moaned at the taste of something good, like it wasn’t a standard reaction to great food. Most of the time they’d have dinner at his and Maiko’s apartment because Yuuri loved cooking, and if he ate everything he cooked by himself he’d be too fat to step foot on the ice. Once or twice a month they’d go out to a restaurant—they’d nearly been to every good place in their area now—and spend too much money on drinks and food. Victor usually picked out the place; he was like a walking food guide. He always had a place in mind, and most of the time he’d been there before, even though Yuuri and Maiko had no idea where he found the time to go to restaurants and cafes all the time. 

Last week they’d gone to restaurant with mirrors on the ceiling at the top of a skyscraper with mirrors around the whole room. It was amazing, and Victor and Maria looked like models in the dim glow of the room. The food there was so good, but they only had seafood, and Maria wasn’t a big fan of seafood. (‘ _ Don’t move to Japan, then, _ ’ Yuuri had thought at the time.) Yuuri made no effort to go to a different restaurant, and he’d stuffed his face with fish and crab and salmon and it had been fantastic. 

This afternoon Yuuri had cooked pelmeni. Well, it wasn’t just this afternoon, considering he’d made the dough for it himself last night. He was actually quite proud of this particular dish, mostly because it was Russian and Yuuri wasn’t great with European dishes, and because he didn’t work with doughs often. Yesterday, though, Yuuri had decided he’d make something Russian because it had been a while since Yuuri had seen Victor beam at the Russian cuisine being served to him. It got Yuuri quite the praise, and while he hated being praised and complimented, he didn’t mind a few kind words from Victor. 

 

Fourth on the list—something he’d added on that first, fateful night of dining with Maria and Victor—was how Victor had left his jacket/sweater/jumper here, and had continued to do so. Consistently, for nearly three years. Yuuri was sure some of Victor’s clothes had actually migrated to Yuuri’s own closet. And most of the time, Victor didn’t even ask for it back. Most of the time Maiko would give it back, or Yuuri would, but he rarely asked them about his tendency to leave pieces of his clothing at other people’s homes. Yuuri sometimes wondered if Victor just had so many clothes that he didn’t notice when his items went missing, no matter how designer-esque or expensive they were. Yuuri would love to take a look at Victor’s wardrobe, and then make fun of him for how gay it probably was. Well, Yuuri probably wouldn’t say it aloud, but he’d definitely think it. He often thought about how ‘fabulous’ Victor was, as Phichit would put it.  

Yuuri was currently spying at Victor’s orange sweater that would look hideous on anyone else and hoping he’d get to wear it later. He had quite the fun time trying on Victor’s designer, one of a kind, clothes.

 

His fifth bullet point made his heart swell up with glee, and maybe a little jealousy. The fifth thing that Yuuri loved about their small dinner parties were how well Maiko and Maria got along. Maiko didn’t have many people in her life—she’d only had Yuuri and her mum before they’d befriended the ice dancing couple, and while Yuuri and Victor didn’t get too cozy, Maria and Maiko certainly did. Every night the couples were together, Maria would always rant and gossip with Maiko. Yuuri knew Maiko would never admit it, but she loved her discussions with Maria. Yuuri was actually certain that Maria had more of a look into Maiko’s world than Yuuri did. But, Yuuri’s relationship with Maiko was different, and not just in the way that they were married. Yuuri could never complain that Maiko went to Maria first with gossip or a complaint, and only stayed overjoyed that she had someone to talk to. Yuuri had his own friends—he had Phichit, and he often talked to Yuuko. Maiko deserved her own Yuuko. 

 

Yuuri had added number six on the list just two months ago, just before his and Victor’s two person bachelor party, that had ended being a four person manicure session. (Don’t ask.) The day after their failed bachelor party, Yuuri had realised how much he loved the silence between the four of them. ‘The silence’ being that comfortable silence, when you’re hanging out with someone, but not necessarily doing anything with them. A comforting silence that told Yuuri just how far he and Victor and Maria and Maiko had come. It had been so awkward at first, coincidentally living in the same apartment block and sharing a rink when they were rivals and had only spent so much time together as real friends. But change came, and the four of them grew together, and now they could relax around each other. 

Take this moment for example—the four of them, sitting around Maiko and Yuuri’s dining table, looking out at the sunset from their floor-to-ceiling window, not saying anything. Yuuri could hear Victor’s breathing beside him, and he could see Maiko’s neck rolls as she turned in her seat. He could see Maria’s large pores and her pale skin that reflected the orange light coming from the sun from where he was sitting. He could sit here, in his apartment, next to his inspirations, rivals and idols, and just enjoy a quiet moment with them. How grateful he was, in this moment. 

 

The next one, like many things about Victor, made him laugh. He shouldn’t really laugh—Maria didn’t, and Maiko just furrowed her brows and narrowed her eyes in confusion and slight disgust. The seventh thing that Yuuri loved about the dinners was getting to be around Victor’s phone. You see, Victor was very disciplined—he never brought his phone to the rink for practice, saying it would just distract him. But, it meant Yuuri only heard Victor’s ringtone at their dinners. Which was probably very convenient for Victor since his ringtone was the gayest and stupidest thing ever. If Yuuri had Victor’s ringtone, he’d never leave the house. 

Victor’s ringtone was the can-can dance music. Ever since he’d put that music in his free skate, he’d had it as his ringtone too. It was hilarious, to watch Victor answer a phone playing can-can music and then talk to his coach about something so boring. Or, watch Victor answer a phone playing the gayest ringtone and then tell Maria how much she loved him. It was  _ very _ entertaining. 

Take right now, for example. There they were, looking out the big windows as the sun dipped below the horizon, and just as Maiko was going to pull out some vegan, low fat and sugar ice cream, Victor’s phone went off. 

The music filled the room. Victor fished his phone out of his jean pocket. Yuuri covered his mouth and tried not to laugh, and became very red subsequently. Victor answered his iPhone X and left the dining area, heading into the lounge area. Yuuri took some deep breaths and tried not to burst out giggling. 

“Ice cream, then?” Maiko asked, slipping out of her chair. 

 

No. 8—Drunk Victor. Or drunk Maria and Maiko. People being drunk in general. Yuuri secretly loved Maiko’s ‘No Alcohol for Yuuri’ rule, no matter how controlling it was, because he got to observe Maria and Victor while they were drunk, being sober himself. Everyone was a little less filtered when they were drunk, and everything was turned all the way up. Maria and Maiko were constantly giggling together, and Victor usually shed a few layers. It made him love his small skating family even more. He loved how funny Maria got when she was drunk—and boy, she was hilarious. She should seriously look into being a comedian or something. Victor was a little more reserved when drunk—a little sad. More broody, really. And Maiko, well, Maiko was just herself when she was drunk. She became so caring when she was drunk, and so motivated. The amount of projects she had started while drunk never ended. 

Currently, she was lying on the couch with Maria, rubbing her stomach and talking to it. It was gorgeous and so sweet. It almost made Yuuri long for a little baby of his own, just so he could watch Maiko being all motherly. Yuuri enjoyed the displays of affection that Maiko would give on the rare occasion. 

 

Number nine should probably be in with number eight, but Yuuri loved this particular part so much he thought it deserved its own point. Drunk  _ Victor _ . Drunk Victor isolated from everyone else, just drunk Victor in particular. Specifically, drunk Victor’s confessions. It was selfish, but Yuuri knew that the times he got closest to Victor was when he was drunk. Yuuri may be a sad (and then later wild) drunk, but Victor was a sad drunk as much as he was. Or rather, a truthful drunk. The things Victor had admitted to while drunk were listless. The things Yuuri had heard that he really did not want to hear all came from a drunk Victor. Like the time where Victor had told him the grossly intimate details of his sex life. (Apparently, Victor and Maria owned a sex swing.) (Yuuri was thinking about Victor having sex now. God.) 

Tonight it looked like Victor was approaching that level of drunk. He was staring out on the night sky, sitting on the couch next to Maiko and Maria, sitting next on the couch next to Yuuri, and thinking. Yuuri could see the gears turning his head, anyone could see he had something on his mind. And a thoughtful Victor plus alcohol always meant Yuuri got to sit with Victor and hear him talk about things that didn’t involve ice skating and involved the inner workings of Victor’s head instead.

Yuuri hoped he’d get that tonight. He thought about previous times when Victor had opened up to him—the time from exactly two years ago, when Victor had confided that his favourite colour was pink. These days, it was common knowledge that Victor loved pink—he owned a fucking pink convertible—but back then, his favourite colour was supposedly red. The time from six months ago, during the off-season, when Victor expressed his wishes for his time away from skating competitions to never end, or at least be extended. 

Yuuri was startled out of his thoughts when Maiko exclaimed her need to re-dye her blonde tips red again. She’d done it at the start of the season with bleach and temporary dye, and it had looked amazing when she was in her skating costume. Maria dragged her to the bathroom, telling her that if that was what she wanted, that is what they would do. As they stumbled off, Yuuri felt Victor’s head on his shoulder. 

“You’ve been quiet this evening, Yuuri,” Victor commented, even though Yuuri was usually a little quieter than everyone else. Yuuri nodded and hoped Victor had felt it. “I got a call this evening.” Yuuri raised an eyebrow– he already knew that. Was it from someone important? “From someone I haven’t spoken too in a long time.” 

“How long?” Yuuri asked, not sure why that particular question stuck out to him. Anything to get Victor to speak whatever was on his mind, really. God, he sounded selfish. 

“Years. Six years. Maybe longer,” Victor murmured. 

“What did they want?” 

“He wanted to know how I was doing,” Victor told Yuuri, moving his hands to play with the untucked hem of his shirt. “He found out that I got married and…” 

“Was he mad that you didn’t invite him?” Yuuri guessed, trying to understand why Victor had chosen to tell him about this person, or this phone call. 

“No, no, he was really understanding.”

“What is it, then?” 

“I just—wish he hadn’t called. I didn’t want to ever talk to him again,” Victor said, glumly. He raised a hand to brush his silver fringe away from his face. When Victor did that, it was likely he was about to launch into a long rant. Yuuri knew that whoever this person was, and whatever they talked about was making Victor a little glum, but he couldn’t help but feel excited. He absolutely loved to learn anything he could about Victor, and usually, the sadder things tended to be more personal, so—

“Sometimes I think about kissing boys.” Yuuri’s jaw dropped. Where the _fuck_ did that come from? Was Victor _actually_ kind of gay? Maybe Yuuri had been right all along… “I kissed him, once.”  _Oh_. That’s where that came from. 

Yuuri didn’t say anything, but his stomach fluttered. He’d never gotten this personal with Victor before. Did Victor really trust him that much? Perhaps that wasn’t what Yuuri should be thinking about. Maybe more on that fact that Victor kissed a boy. 

“One kiss isn’t going to do anything,” Yuuri comforted. 

“I know. It was a long time ago. It just brought up a lot for me—the phone call, that is,” Victor breathed, his voice more hushed that it was when he talked about kissing boys. 

Yuuri nodded. 

“I love Maria,” Victor clarified.

“I know you do, Victor.” 

Yeah. That was one hell of a confession. 

Victor’s head stayed on Yuuri’s shoulder for the rest of the night. 

 

Yuuri was laying in bed next to Maiko when he thought of the last thing on his list. He didn’t really know why he had on his list—it was kind of implied. But, really, what he loved most of all. What he loved the most—more than the food, or how Victor acted when he was drunk—was the conversation. He loved talking to other ice dancers. He loved talking to his inspiration– his rivals. He loved talking to other ice dancers about things other than ice dancing. He loved his little family here in Tokyo, even if sometimes they felt far away, or far better than he and Maiko. He loved talking to them, and getting to know them, and getting insight into someone’s mind who was so much the same but ultimately completely different. He loved his dinners with Maria and Victor. He  _ loved _ Maria and Victor. 

 

–

 

**December 12th 2010**

 

_ 104.2  _

With a total score of  _ 177.3 _

A new world record– that’s what that was. A free dance score over hundred and a bloody high total score. Victor and Maria had broken world records before, but not all three within one competition. Maria was actually quiet in the kiss and cry—something Victor had never seen or heard in all his five years with Maria.  _ Holy shit _ . 

Yakov actually wasn’t scowling—there might even be the beginnings of a smile on his face.  _ Holy shit _ . He’d done it. They’d done it. He and Maria broke three records in one competition, at the Grand Prix no less. If they could do what they did here at Worlds–

“Okay, you two, let’s get you cleaned up,” Yakov grumbled in the nicest way Yakov could grumble. 

The two of them wordlessly nodded and left the kiss and cry, their scores still taking all the attention in their mind. Maria shot him a long glance and squeezed his hand which Victor didn’t even know she was holding they walked off to where their parents were sitting, to talk them before they had to go get their medals. 

 

Victor his way to his own changing room after the medal ceremony, the memory of his hand being squeezed by his dance partner in his mind, next to her silent reaction to their record breaking scores. 

Victor changed silently and quickly, trying to ignore the two other boys in the room with him. Two other men’s skaters—Georgi Popovich, who wasn’t skating at this event, but seemed to just be hanging out in here. (Probably following his current boyfriend around.) (He was in Juniors—why was he  _ here? _ ) The other guy was a Japanese ice dancer guy who came last. Victor hadn’t really watched his skate.

Victor left the seemingly socially awkward boys alone after he changed into his team Russia track pants and a clean shirt. He grabbed his gear bag and left. 

Maria was waiting for him when he left the locker room. She was dressed in her black joggers and her matching team Russia jacket from the olympics. When they met each other’s eyes, Maria’s were sparkling, like there was something there—something bubbling at the surface, demanding to be shown. Her smile barely met her eyes, like she was holding back. 

Her hands on the back of his neck had been a surprise. Her lips on his even more so. 

He welcomed them though, and her hands and her lips didn’t leave for a very long time. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading or leaving kudos or commenting! i love u all! Next chapter will be posted on the 30th 
> 
> my tumblr is yuuribooty.tumblr.com


	4. The Baby

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> big thanks to yamagusheep for being my beta! <3

Fast violins and a gravelly voice smothered any other sound in the rink. “ _ You don’t have to put on that red light.” _

Yuuri dropped Maiko to her feet, and for a split second, she looked at Yuuri like he’d taken apart her  life. Then she grinned and all the colour rushed back to her face as she broke out huffing and smiling. 

Yuuri laughed and his hands broke away from their place on her waist. 

Victor wanted to smile too, but he couldn’t get his face to move. He stared out onto the bright rink, the fluorescent lights reflecting onto the white surface, where Yuuri and Maiko were standing, seemingly forgetting that Victor was there. (Yuuri had placed his hands back on Maiko’s waist and his tongue was flicking over her lips.) 

Victor was breathing, he knew that, but it also kind of felt like his lungs were filled with cement. How did Yuuri manage to create something so beautiful with Maiko? Something so…  _ powerful _ . November was two months away and they still managed to create a free program that they could present tomorrow and still win gold. 

Viktor could have predicted this, though. Yuuri and Maiko always had their programs ready as soon as possible, and Viktor had helped them out this season, so Viktor shouldn’t be so surprised that this had happened. Viktor had nagged them to chose that music piece, had told them that sheer and backless costumes were all the rage. He’d directed them into trying new lifts and to putting more emotion into their skating. He’d egged them on constantly over the past summer to try something new. To ‘ _ please, Yuuri, I’m not competing this season, do this for me, try something new. _ ’ And they’d listened to him! 

Viktor had spent half his time at the rink with Maiko and Yuuri, and the other half with Maria, rubbing her feet and helping her into the bath. (They’d fallen heaps of times, and every time Viktor had freaked out. Viktor used to be able to hold Maria up by her freaking ass, he couldn’t fall while lowering her into the tub!) Needless to say, Viktor’s time spent away from Maria had certainly been worth it. But now, watching the couple make out, Viktor kind of wished he hadn’t. Now, after all this acceptance and reassuring phrases like ‘ _ you’ll compete next season, maybe even by this coming Nationals! _ ’ Viktor had come to terms with taking a break from skating, and the bone-shaking grief that assaulted him on his run past the rink had subsided, but  _ now _ , now it had come back with vengeance. Now, more than ever, Viktor wanted,  _ needed _ , to be on the ice again. Needed to be competing because every fibre in his being wanted to see if he could beat  _ that _ . He’d beaten Maiko and Yuuri plenty of times, but now, he wasn’t sure he’d ever be on their level. Not with the break, anyway. Viktor was scared he was so behind he’d never be able to catch up. 

But, Yuuri and Maiko deserved it. They’d worked hard getting out their programs. Their short program, ‘On Love: Eros’ was new and tantalising and fun, but this free program to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack was incredible. Their Eros breakthrough had happened six weeks after they’d gotten married, half way through the summer. (Viktor had suspected it was because they’d finally started sleeping together on a regular basis.) But their Tango De La Roxanne had never been this good. All summer the three of them had been trying to find that passion, that desire––the love and fire that fuelled the whole program. Viktor had been starting to think they’d never get it, and maybe a small part of him wanted that, partly because Viktor always wanted to be the best, and the other half because he never wanted Yuuri and Maiko to find–– 

“Victor!!” Katsuki yelled across the rink, still panting. Yuuri skated over to where Victor was standing, Maiko following at a leisurely pace. “Did you like it? Was it good?” Yuuri’s grin was getting bigger than his face would allow, and it was hard for Victor not to copy him. What could he say? Yuuri had an infectious smile. 

“Amazing, Yuuri. I don’t think  _ I _ could rival that,” Victor answered, breathless. “Everything was perfect.” 

“Excuse me? Yuuri almost dropped me on the long lift, and our finnstep was  _ not _ perfect,” Maiko scolded, her hands on his hips, her nails digging into dark red spandex of her costume. 

“Maiko, your coach isn’t here! You should trying to get away with out of sync finnsteps,” Victor laughed. “Really, though. I’m honestly so jealous––how did you do it? You guys have been struggling with that dance for forever.” 

Yuuri blushed and looked down, shrugging. 

Maiko didn’t offer an answer, and instead skated to the exit to leave the rink. Victor decided not to press further. 

When it became clear to Yuuri that Victor would not be saying more, Yuuri skated away to get ready to leave. When he returned from the locker room, out of his sheer, black and seductively sparkly costume and into his black joggers and navy hoodie, Victor was gone. 

 

–

 

Victor’s hands in his own. Victor’s hands on his waist. Victor’s thumb on his  _ lips _ . Or, Maiko presenting herself in a dark red corset and stockings, holding a bottle of cream liqueur. Two very different things, and both should  _ not _ be allowed. But one of them had caused a spark in Yuuri. One of them caused that free dance to be turned into something worthy of gold. (Yuuri had never called one of his programs worthy of gold.) It had to be the Maiko thing, right? The lace against her tanned skin––the bloody stockings. The literal, blood-coloured stockings. It had all happened  _ last night _ . And this free dance had happened  _ today _ . The hands thing with Victor had happened, like, a month ago! 

But why was it all Yuuri could think about? Why were Victor’s hands the only think he could think about when dancing with Maiko? Nothing had even happened––Victor was just showing him how to be more seductive on this ice. That’s what Yuuri had wanted. He’d asked for guidance from Victor, but all he had was feelings and hands and lips that he couldn’t escape. (In his dreams, he hadn’t wanted to escape them.) 

Yuuri bought a hand to his lips and traced where Victor had touched them. 

 

–

 

Victor was in love with Yuuri. He could hear his wife groaning in pain, and he was so very sure, that he was in love with Katsuki Yuuri. (Somehow the two were connected.) 

Victor had gotten the call just in time, really. Victor was sure his heart would pound right out of his chest if it wasn’t already on the floor by the time Maria called, screaming at Victor that ‘ _ my damn fucking water broke! My vagina is fucking lake! You better come see me right fucking now, Nikiforov! _ ’ 

Victor recognised the tone from when they used to practice scolding their future child. They used to pretend to tell them that they had to ask before eating out of the cookie jar, and that they had to wash their hands before dinner and brush their teeth before bed. He’d never heard Maria speak like that with swearing and the word ‘vagina’ before. 

Victor had been beckoned to his wife in labor just minutes after Yuuri and Maiko had performed their free dance that showcased all the love and fiery passion between them, and that told the world––‘even if she dies, our love will be eternal’ and all that. (Somehow, these events were connected, too.) 

 

–

 

Was it bad that Yuuri didn’t care that Maria had gone into labor? Well, of course he  _ cared _ , but he didn’t  _ care _ care. He cared that Victor had left the rink before they could really talk about the free dance (before Yuuri could tell Victor about the fact that Maiko had bought a dark red corset and ridden him three times in one night. He was really bursting to tell someone that––he was so desperate he even considered talking to Mari about it!). 

Maiko was squealing in her seat next to Yuuri, bursting with happiness and occasionally telling Yuuri that she was going to be an aunty, or a godmother, or something. At least one of them was happy about the fact that Maria had her legs in stirrups, Victor an eyeful of a sight that he could never forget. Yuuri hoped that if Maiko ever got pregnant, he wouldn’t be in the delivery room. He’d always preferred looking at a dick rather than a vagina, why would he want to see a vagina with a baby coming out of it? He loved Maiko, but there were some sacrifices he just wasn’t going to make. 

Yuuri tried to get the image of a baby pushing out of a vagina by thinking of Victor’s hands and his perfectly manicured nails again. 

 

–

 

Maria was screaming now, and Victor’s hand was bleeding. The two were connected––Maria was screaming and she was holding onto Victor’s hand, his nails were digging into and raking against and ripping up Victor’s hand. It hurt, but it wasn’t as painful as what Maria was going through. It didn’t hurt as much as the fact that he was in love with Yuuri did. 

Should it? Should it be a shock, like jumping into a river during winter? Or, should it be like being thrown into volcano and feeling the lava burn away at your flesh? It wasn’t like that. It was like being held on top of a lava by a thread, being finally let go and finding it’s actually a natural hot spring. It felt like Victor should’ve realised this a long time ago and let himself fall into the deceiving lava pit. He should’ve realised this. He should have at least realised this four months earlier, when he was still engaged. Preferably, he should have realised this  _ nine months  _ earlier. 

“They’re crowning,” the doctor told him.  _ Ew _ . Victor was twenty four, surely he was too young to hear that phrase. 

 

–       

 

“I wonder how long it will be––oh! I wonder if it will be a boy or a girl!” Maiko chirped, holding her empty coffee cup that Yuuri had bought for her an hour ago. “Really, we could be here overnight.” 

Yuuri wanted to scream. Now, Yuuri was starting to wish he was in the delivery room just so he could be aware of how long left there was to go. Had it even started yet? Was it all actually over and they were sleeping and no one had come to get them? Had someone tried to get them to tell them to go home? Yuuri knew he shouldn’t have let Maiko move them to a different waiting room… 

Yuuri wondered if Victor would tell him about it afterwards. He wondered if he would be able to go to the rink as much as he used to. Yuuri wondered if Victor really would ever skate again. He tried not to think about Victor, now, because thinking about Victor was starting to become Victor, Maria and their baby. Yuuri thought about Maiko in her corset and her heels and her garter and stockings and panties and make up and the way her mouth moved when she spoke. Her mouth had never moved like that before. She had never moved like that, not even on the ice. It was so…  _ new _ . Different. It was weird––not that it wasn’t good, in the moment, it was  _ very _ good. Being told he was hot and had amazing stamina and had the thickest dick Maiko had ever seen (she’d only seen one) had been fucking great. 

Thinking about Maiko in her sexy outfit didn’t give Yuuri a boner anymore because he had thought about it so much, so at least there was that. Yuuri could think about Maiko drinking cream liqueur from his belly button all he wanted. Yuuri hoped Maiko didn’t try anything like that again, because it wasn’t going to work. Maybe she could in a different colour corset, or this time use vodka instead. Nothing would rack up to Maiko allowing Yuuri to get drunk though… He kind of wished Victor had been there, not for the fucking or corset wearing part, just for the bit where he got drunk. Victor was always saying that he wanted to see Yuuri drunk, and Yuuri was never one to deny Victor of what he wanted. 

 

–

 

The baby was crying. A real baby! A baby covered in weird vagina stuff, but a baby nonetheless. Victor cried too, when he arrived. (He!) Victor cried because he was so beautiful and so small and, fuck, he’d  _ made that _ . And,  _ fuck _ , he was still thinking about Yuuri. 

Fuck. Fuck.  _ Fuck _ . 

Maria was crying too, but that was probably from a number of things. She looked shit. Sweaty and gross and her hair was matted. She was practically naked in her bed, cradling the baby to her chest. Victor liked the sight more than he could say––he never wanted to look away. He never wanted to stop thinking about his baby and his wife. They were his  _ family _ . 

Family was important. And if family was important, then Victor would think of his family.

But Yuuri’s name spun around Victor’s head like alcohol (Victor was sure he’d couldn’t stand if he tried), and Victor was trying so hard to flush him out of his head. 

Really, it was  _ terrible _ timing. Maybe if Yuuri hadn’t shown what loving him was like, Victor wouldn’t be in this mess. If they’d just waited another day, Victor could have watched Yuuri’s free dance thinking about his baby boy. Now he was watching his baby boy thinking about Yuuri. 

Even if Victor feeling the thing he was feeling towards Yuuri was inevitable, couldn’t it have waited a day? Couldn’t it let Victor have fallen in love with his son first?   

 

–

 

“They’re ready for you now,” someone told them. The someone was wearing a bright yellow nursing uniform and had a name tag that read ‘ _ Ai Mitsui _ ’.

“Yuuri! Ah, we get to see the baby––ah, they’re going to be so cute!” Maiko gushed, grabbing her pleather handbag and health magazines off of the seat next to her. Yuuri collected his empty paper cups that were once filled with coffee and tea and slipped his phone into his jean pocket. They both shrugged on their jackets––Yuuri had a blue bomber and Maiko wore a long, double breasted, red overcoat. 

Maiko almost skipped down the hall following Ai, the nurse in the yellow outfit, and the sound of her knee high boots clicking along the linoleum floor was driving Yuuri a little bit insane. Fortunately, the room was close by. Labelled Room 402 and showcasing a dead-looking Maria and pained Victor through the big glass window, where was the new baby was sleeping. 

The nurse knocked and the couple heard Maria shout for them happily. Yuuri smiled sheepishly and entered behind Maiko, pulling his jacket tighter around himself. 

“Oh, Maria, they’re so beautiful,” Maiko cooed softly as she crossed the room and crouched next to the hospital bed, looking at the tiny baby with wispy blonde hair and no eyebrows. 

“ _ He’s _ so beautiful,” Maria corrected, her tired, red rimmed eyes connecting with Maiko’s. They both grinned. 

“You’re awfully quiet, Victor,” Maiko said after a minute or two or three of staring at the baby. 

“Just in awe,” Victor whispered like he didn’t trust his voice to go any louder. 

“Have you guys thought of any names yet?” Maiko asked, standing up straight and looking down at the couple and sleeping baby. 

The couple didn’t answer. 

“Are you guys fighting about it?” Yuuri asked, chiming in. Everyone looked at him in shock. Yuuri looked at everyone else but Victor. He didn’t feel like looking at him all that much, not after the free dances and the hands and the lips and just… everything else. 

“No,” Victor answered, reaching to smooth his hands over his son’s hair. Maria looked at him, surprised. “His name is Roman.” Maria leaned over and kissed his cheek before he had finished speaking. 

“Roman?” Maiko asked, her brows furrowed. 

Maria sighed and took Victor’s hand to hold. “It was my grandfather’s name. He passed away just after I met Victor,” she explained, her thumb rubbing the back of Victor’s hands. She moved to play with the wedding band on his ring finger. 

“I like it,” Yuuri said, offering a smile. 

Victor looked at him then, and Yuuri couldn’t help but meet his eyes. It was hard to not meet Victor where he needed. “I’m glad you like it, Yuuri.” 

 

–

 

**December 10th 2015**

 

It was weird to skate at the Grand Prix without Victor and Maria––they’d skated together for their whole career and they’d never been on an international podium without them. Victor and Maria had never taken a season off, never missed a major competition. Not once, in the ten years they’d skated together, had they’d been away. So, it was weird that they skate at the GPF without them in the lineup. It was weird knowing they’d win without having to fight for it. Weird and a little sad––Yuuri couldn’t lie, he’d wanted to beat Maria and Victor with their routines. 

Victor was at home in Japan with Maria and Roman, watching the GPF instead of participating in it. Roman was almost four months old now. Victor had told Yuuri that he was crawling now, had two teeth and in a month he’d be eating food. He’d told Yuuri he still skated every day of the week and Maria joined him for half of those and they were working on a short dance and had the beginning ideas for the free one. Victor told Yuuri they’d made it to Europeans and then to Worlds and they’d beat he and Maiko. 

Yuuri wished it was all true, but he knew Victor and Maria would make it to Worlds at most, and even then they’d be lucky to podium. They hadn’t been working out or skating for four months, and Maria’s body had completely changed. Then, on top of that, they were both getting minimal sleep and they only had childcare a few days a week. Where would the baby even go if they did in fact make it to Worlds? Yuuri’s gut dropped at the thought of Victor not coming back to skating. 

He never wanted to skate without the other man skating too. Maybe if they did retire, Yuuri could convince Maiko to retire with them.  

“Yuuri! We’re up after this one,” Maiko called from where she was standing with their coach, Akihito Uno. Akihito was a good coach, if a bit distant. He’d help them if there was an emergency, and he worked with them five days a week. He was good, and he used to be an even better skater. 

“I’ll be there in a bit,” Yuuri called from his spot leaning against the wall bordering a practice room. He’d be there in a bit, he was just adjusting. Adjusting to Victor not being there to cheer him on and at the same time intimidate him beyond relief. Adjusting to this costume that he’d worn four times before but felt weird now. It was sexier and more revealing than anything Yuuri had ever worn, with crystals and mesh. He knew he looked good in it, though, and Maiko looked even better in her matching costume. Same design but with a short skirt that was read underneath. God, she was so sexy. And she’d looked beautiful when she’d sucked him off just thirty minutes ago. (Yuuri had never gotten a blow job before; well, not a proper one. Yuuri didn’t like to count the one in which Maiko, four years ago, had gotten to her knees ten minutes before their skate and taken him out and sucked off to a completion that had only happened because he was so tense and he hadn’t gotten off in months and months, not because he had really liked Maiko all that much back then, or because she was particularly good at it.) 

Yuuri took a deep breath and pushed himself off of the wall and dragged himself to where Maiko and Uno were standing. Yuuri swallowed, and his mind drifted to what Maiko looked like underneath her black Team Japan jacket. He could imagine her teeny waist—smaller than Maria’s––and her small arms and her pointy collar bones that on occasion freaked Yuuri out a little.

He did this to prepare himself for  _ On Love: Eros _ . He and Maiko had never done something like this before, and Yuuri had never displayed something so personal to the world before. He could barely show his intimacy to Maiko, so he was struggling with this. He could imagine Maiko’s body as she moved on him, but he couldn’t show it to anyone. He couldn’t even capture that feeling of being intertwined with Maiko. He could show interest in sex, he could get turned on, but that raw, desperate feeling of wanting to and loving having sex with someone––that was what he couldn’t bring out onto the ice. (Sometimes he wondered if that feeling was even there at all.) 

Sometimes Yuuri worried if they should have included this program at all––it was  _ Victor’s _ idea. He’d only done it because he felt sorry for him. In Skate America and NHK Trophy their performances had been fine, nothing mind-blowing, but enough to place first in NHK and second at Skate America. Now, as things heated up and people increased the difficulty of their programs, Yuuri worried. They didn’t have as much fiery passion as others did––and their presentation was supposed to be their strong suit. Once others started bringing out two quads in a program, they would be in trouble. 

Yuuri had missed Victor and Maria this whole Grand Prix circuit, but now, in this moment, as he thought about their quad flips and long lifts, Yuuri was a little thankful they weren’t there. Just a little. 

“Okay, you’re up,” Akihito announced, looking over to the kiss and cry as Christophe Giacometti and his partner Ada made their way there. Yuuri would have to put in a hello and a hug from Victor to them. 

Yuuri swallowed, eyeing the ice rink, larger than his one at home. He could do this––he was twenty two. He wasn’t a blushing virgin, he was Katsuki Yuuri and he was married to the most beautiful woman he’d ever met. He could show the world how sexy she was, and how much he loved her. How sensual he could be. 

They both removed their jackets and skate guards. Maiko smiled at him, kissed his cheek, took his hand and lead him to the centre of the ice, where they wrapped around each other, Yuuri holding his wife. They looked in opposite directions, waiting for the music. As Yuuri stood there, he could feel the crystals on Maiko’s costume against his chest and he could smell her strawberry shampoo. 

The music filled the area and the pair broke apart, doing their matching step sequences just two meters away from each other, all while making eyes at the other. They launched into a triple flip at the same time, before coming together again and doing their rehearsed camel spin. Yuuri could feel Maiko’s nails dig into his leg then, marking out where her skate would go when he lifted her up for their short lift. They drifted away again, performing a series of twizzles. Yuuri skated to meet her before lifting her up. Yuuri felt the dig of her skate on his thigh and gritted through the pinching pain of it. The lift lasted six seconds, as rehearsed. When Maiko jumped off of Yuuri and he caught her, their eyes met. Maiko’s pupils were blown wide and she was smirking at him. 

Then came their death spiral, and Yuuri was glad to be away from her lustful eyes that showed she was into this a lot more than he was. 

Yuuri was wrong, he couldn’t do this. He couldn’t think about his love for Maiko if it was the last thing he did. He could think about their quad and their twelve second lift and their twelve twizzles but he could not think about Maiko’s thighs and her waist and her lips. He was failing them––he was too stiff and he was too focused on the technical element. He couldn’t  _ think _ . 

He was met with the thought of,  _ oh god, what if I can never do this? What if by the end of the season, we’ll still be on square one and we will have never even made it to Worlds? _ and,  _ what if I don’t have this inside of me? What if I’m broken?  _

Then, the program ended with Maiko pressed against him again, their arms outstretched and their hands intertwined. He could feel Maiko panting against his chest. 

 

Their technical score was higher than it had ever been before. That wasn’t really a surprise, they had been working on it constantly during their off-season. They’d both learnt a quad salchow and refined all their triple jumps. But, their score wasn’t what they had been hoping for. 100.3 flashed on screen above them–– Chris and Ada had beaten them by two points. 

Yuuri couldn’t have gotten out of there faster. 

 

– 

 

That night, Yuuri didn’t sleep. He thought about his and Maiko’s sexual relationship, and he thought about Victor and Maria back home. He thought about their free dance, and he thought about how much he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it how a program like that was supposed to be executed. He couldn’t do it the way Victor had told them to, the way Victor wanted them to do it. He couldn’t do it using the feelings he had about Maiko. He and Maiko didn’t have that kind of romance, and they never would. That’s just how it was––that’s just how  _ Yuuri  _ was. He wasn’t built like that. 

That night, as he imagined Victor back home, he cried, because he’d never be able to do what Victor had set out for him to do. He cried because he didn’t think he had in him what Maiko wanted. 

But really, what if he didn’t? What if he had married Maiko with a promise of giving her what she needed for the rest of her life, but fundamentally didn’t have? 

That night, as his doubts crept upon him, he fell asleep to the thought of Victor’s hands and his thumb on his lip.

 

**–**

 

The next day, Yuuri imagined Victor there, next to him as he skated. He imagined Victor putting his hands on Yuuri’s arms and legs and hips and positioning them like he had done during that summer afternoon. He lifted up Maiko, and behind him he felt Victor’s presence lifting  _ him _ up. He jumped a quad salchow, and next to him he imagined Victor doing a quad flip. As the words “feelings I can’t fight” and “why does my heart cry?” were sung across the arena, Yuuri imagined Victor’s thumb parting his lips, just as he had when he’d shown Victor this dance in August. He imagined Victor watching him, just like he had then.  

They won gold that day, with a twenty point score margin. Yuuri had kissed Maiko afterwards, which had made her happier than words could describe. They were both fairly private and rarely engaged in PDA, but Yuuri even more so. For Maiko, knowing that Yuuri loved her enough to break barriers like that made her feel overjoyed. (It wasn’t love though. It was care.)

After the medal ceremony and after he and Maiko had had a little wander around Barcelona, but before the banquet, Maiko set him down to talk. 

“You were so amazing today,” Maiko praised in Japanese from her seat at the hotel’s vanity. She was preparing herself for the banquet tonight, buffing powder into her face that made Yuuri cough if he stood too close. 

“Thank you,” Yuuri answered from his position on the bed, his head in his phone, reading articles about how the competition had gone. He scrolled past one that said ‘ _ Katsuki’s Short Dance Not as Enthralling as Expected _ .’ He hoped Maiko didn’t read the articles on this GPF, but Yuuri knew she always did. 

“Not so much yesterday, though,” Maiko commented, not looking at Yuuri through the mirror, keeping her eyes occupied looking through her makeup bag. 

Yuuri didn’t reply. 

“Is something wrong? Am I bad in bed or something?” 

“No! What makes you think that?” Yuuri squawked, not wanting Maiko to think that at all. She was perfect––it was  _ him _ with the inability. 

“You wouldn’t look at me through the whole short dance and we haven’t  _ done _ anything all week. We’ve only been married for eight months, I didn’t think this would happen so soon,” she quipped, pulling out her eyelid primer.

“It hasn’t happened,” Yuuri stuttered out. “We’ve just been busy and I was just nervous yesterday.” Yuuri turned off his phone and looked at the ceiling, willing his throat not to close up. Arguing with Maiko was one of the scariest things you could do. 

“Nervous? Yuuri, this was our easiest competition since we started skating––is Victor’s and Maria’s absence truly making you  _ nervous _ ?” 

“We’ve never done that a program like that––you know… _ expressing _ something like that is hard for me. You  _ know _ that,” Yuuri objected, trying to stand his ground and not submit to Maiko. She didn’t have a right to insult him over something that troubled him. They were supposed to be a  _ team _ . 

Maiko turned in her seat and looked at him then. “Is that really all? You won’t sleep with me because you’re nervous about not being able express how much you want to sleep with me?” Maiko asked, smirking. 

Yuuri smiled. “It sounds weird now you say aloud, but yeah,” Yuuri lied. (Oh, the irony.)

“That’s stupid,” Maiko told him, her smirk dropping. “I wish you would sleep with me more.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Mm,  _ yeah _ ,” Maiko challenged. 

Yuuri sprung to his feet and stumbled over to Maiko. He grabbed her jaw and kissed her, proud of himself for not falling over or something while doing so. 

“You’re lucky I haven’t put on my lipstick yet,” Maiko whispered when he pulled away. “We’ll work on the short dance, though, okay?” 

Yuuri’s eyes widened and he swallowed.  _ Fuck _ . He couldn’t work on something that would never come to be, and he couldn’t show his wife that trying to get him to express how passionate he was about having sex with his wife was a useless quest as those passionate feelings didn’t exist in the first place. 

“Don’t look so worried––it’ll include lots of sex and blowjobs so you’ll be fine,” Maiko laughed, getting out of seat to find the dress she’d planned to wear that night. It was a dark green, suede dress with a deep v-neck with a black ribbon lacing over the gap. It would look good with the gold medal slung around her neck. She picked out a maroon evening coat to go with it. She applied a dark red lipstick and laid out the dress on their now crumpled bedspread. 

Yuuri got out his dark blue two-piece suit and pleated dress shirt that Victor had suggested he buy.

Maiko slipped out of her dark grey pencil skirt and cropped shirt and stood before Yuuri. “How about we start with this?” She whispered, tracing her finger along Yuuri’s shirt-covered chest. 

“Huh!?” Yuuri squeaked, pushing his head into his neck. 

“What do you think about when we skate? What did you think about today?” She asked, looking up at Yuuri through her thick set of eyelashes. 

“Y-you! I thought about you,” Yuuri yelped, wanting nothing more than for Maiko to put on some clothes before it became obvious that Yuuri was freaking out at the sight of his half-naked wife. “Always.” 

“Well, then, we should start there,” Maiko breathed, before disappearing from Yuuri view to get dressed again. 

Yuuri wished he hadn’t had to lie. Yuuri wished he could just fantasise about his wife while performing a supposedly erotic routine on the ice like a normal person. He wished he didn’t think of Victor. (Yuuri had thought of Victor while performing before––he was his idol, so it was no surprise, but he had never thought of Victor in a way that  _ replaced _ Maiko.)

 

**–**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Maiko's free skate is [Tessa and Scott's Moulin Rouge Free Dance](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Efxw04ZgHag&t=311s) but in the program the music changes to Come What May about halfway through, but in Yuuri and Maiko's, El Tango De Roxanne, the starting music, stays the same the whole way through. I fucking love this program so much, I mean mostly because Moulin Rouge is my favourite movie but god!! Also, can you IMAGINE Yuuri in that costume?? Yuuri in that costume would be the death of me. 
> 
> I think the next chapter will be up on the 14th of May. Sorry for the wait between chapters, but I'm currently working on something really, really big that I really, really love, as well as something else that I'm very excited about!


	5. The Birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a shortie this week so sorry about that! Again, thank you to my beta yamagusheep <3 love her very much. 
> 
> Also please don't forget to keep track of the dates they're kinda important and it'll get confusing without them!

**December 25th**

 

Yuuri and Maiko performed the free dance for the fourth time at Nationals, and it didn’t get any better than the last three times. But, at least Victor came with them. Victor sat next to the couple on the flight, chatting to them about his latest obsession: romance movies. Luckily, the flight was stocked with romance movies, from When  _ Harry met Sally _ to  _ Moulin Rouge _ , which peculiarly, Victor didn’t watch. Maybe he had had enough of listening to the soundtrack as the three of them had picked Yuuri’s and Maiko’s free dance music back in the summer. 

It was nearly the end of December now, and Maria and Victor were nowhere near being ready for a comeback that they had originally scheduled for two days ago. Yuuri knew now that they certainly would never return this season. Maria wasn’t even on the ice anymore, finding herself always with the baby, not even letting Victor near him most of the time, no matter how much Victor argued. Yuuri had watched the distance between the Russian couple grow, and he couldn’t help but feel the slightest bit excited. He vowed to never revisit, lest actually exploring that feeling. Yuuri and Maiko had spent the two weeks between Nationals and the Grand Prix skating every single day, knowing that they had to make the most out of their programs. 

Maiko had confronted Yuuri about his lack of enthusiasm and expression a few days after their win at the final, and Yuuri had to lie. 

“I just don’t know how to live up to such high standards,” he’d said, excusing himself. “Victor and Maria are gone and we have the most beautiful program anybody has ever seen. I don’t know what to do with all this free room. This season won’t be us struggling to win and catch up. This is everything we’ve ever wanted––this is our  _ goal _ , and now that we’re here I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m not used to be the one to beat, and I can’t help but sabotage all that I’ve worked hard for, just so I can go back to what I know.” 

Maiko had believed him. Probably because it was partially true, he was scared out of his mind from the pressure, and knowing Victor Nikiforov was at home cheering him on made him want to pull his hair out. But, their short program was a work of art—a sexy work of art. There was no denying that. But if he had no trouble with  _ On Love: Eros _ , why did their program that was meant to be more than just sexual love, that was all-consuming and whole-hearted love, trouble him so? 

Yuuri knew Maiko wondered the same thing, but Yuuri had more of an answer than she did. 

Going out onto the ice that day, something had felt off. Yuuri had been imaging Maiko’s tiny waist again, but Maiko had just been staring at him. Maybe Yuuri had just looked extra sexy that day, and Maiko was getting her serving. But, her look wasn’t one of desire; it was questioning. Speculating. 

Yuuri should have asked her if she was okay, if she needed anything. Yuuri could have said  _ something _ . Absolutely anything. Maybe he could have even told her that every time Yuuri tried to think about having sex with her, his mind drifted to having sex with somebody else. 

Victor waved from the stands, and suddenly Yuuri realised how lucky he was that Victor hadn’t come with them to the final. Having Victor actually there in real life, wearing a suit and a maroon peacoat and having his hair perfectly styled only egged Yuuri on. Yuuri shouldn’t have let the fantasies progress, from a finger on a lip to imaging the other man come at his hands, but now that they had started, they wouldn’t stop coming. Sometimes, Yuuri just wanted to indulge himself and visualise Victor’s lithe hands running along his skin while skating about something akin to the most sensual and exquisite wedding vows you’d ever hear. 

But he couldn’t do that, so he just waved back with a smile and hoped that today he could focus on Maiko. He hoped to focus Maiko ’til his dying day, so he never had to address the fact that he couldn’t stop fucking imagining his skating rival and most-likely-to-be best friend having an orgasm. What was he doing?! 

“Okay, you two, this is Nationals. You got this––it’s practically already decided that you two will get gold at the end of the day,” Akihito told them, patting their shoulders. Akihito was in his fifties and had streaks of grey running through his always perfectly combed hair. He was tall and burly, and he looked more like an ice hockey player rather than a figure skater. 

“We’ve got this, Yuuri, right?” Maiko asked, taking Yuuri’s hand in hers. 

“Right,” Yuuri replied, with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. He had this––he had gold in the bag. Maybe he didn’t have a good grip on his sexuality and relationship with his wife, but at least he was going home tonight with a gold medal and as half of Japan’s best ice dancing couple.

Maiko was shaking as she stepped onto the ice, and it was making it even harder for Yuuri to stay focused on her. She was so stiff the slit in her dark red dress barely opened and she was grimacing. 

Yuuri squeezed her hand as they skated to the middle of the arena where they assumed their position, a metre away from each other, but keeping their gaze locked on each other. 

Then the music started, and violins filled the silence. 

After that moment, there was nothing Yuuri could have done to save Maiko. At least it hadn’t been Yuuri’s fault. Yuuri had been perfect, jumping perfectly and lifting Maiko how and when he was supposed to. It was Maiko herself that sent her down; that put them both out for the rest of the season, and possibly their whole career. It had been a triple flip that Maiko flubbed on. One second, Yuuri was focused on his own jump, the next second (for once in his life) he could only think about Maiko, lying on the ice holding her ankle. Yuuri didn’t even think of Victor up in the stands, watching them. 

 

Victor didn’t cross Yuuri’s mind until he stumbled into their room at Keiyukai Sapporo Hospital when Maiko was passed out, her ankle in a sling that hung above her bed, keeping her ankle raised. Yuuri had been devastated. He hadn’t even thought of the Russian couple once. Hadn’t thought to call Victor and tell him where they were. Hadn’t thought that he’d be spending the rest of the season, spending double the time off of the ice and hanging out with their favourite ice dancing couple. 

Yuuri was relieved, mostly, when Victor ran into their room, looking like he had run there. 

“Oh my god, how is she?” Victor panted. Yuuri quickly got up from his seat beside Maiko, even though there was no need. Yuuri sat down when their eyes met, and all of the scenarios of he and Victor having sex flashed before his eyes. Victor looked away too, and Yuuri prayed that Victor couldn’t somehow read minds. 

“Not too bad, just asleep. She broke her fibula, so she’s out for the season.” Yuuri sighed, putting his head in his hands so he wouldn’t have to look at Victor any longer. 

“God, Yuuri, I’m so sorry.” 

“We were going to get gold in everything this season,” Yuuri murmured through his fingers. Yuuri heard Victor crouch in front of him. Yuuri peeked at him, but this time when their eyes met, he couldn’t look away. And he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to ever not be staring into the blue pools of Victor’s eyes. Yuuri removed his hands to properly look at Victor. 

Victor looked like he wanted to say something. 

“Spend my birthday with me?” 

 

And so they did. Victor dragged an exhausted Katsuki Yuuri to his hotel room, where he cracked open a tiny bottle of wine from the hotel room’s bar and shared it with Yuuri. Yuuri didn’t say much, other than “Happy Birthday, Victor,” for the first thirty minutes before room service had arrived. Victor knew better than to try to talk to Yuuri before getting some food into him, though. 

They ordered (or Victor ordered since Yuuri had told him to get whatever he wanted with a dismissive wave of his hand) a crab dish, a platter of oysters, two bowls of katsudon (Victor had remembered what Yuuri’s favourite food was!) and a serving of daifuku. 

“Oysters?” Yuuri asked, eyeing the dish distastefully. 

“I love oysters!” Victor cheered, picking up one of the cold shells and downing it. 

“No thanks. I’m not really a seafood person, I only like salmon.” 

Victor’s mouth hung open. How could he not  _ love _ seafood? Victor  _ loved _ it. No, seriously, wasn’t Yuuri raised on seafood? Was he not Japanese?

Victor added it to his ‘Yuuri List’ that he had in his mind. He had started it unconsciously, noting the type of clothes Yuuri didn’t like, and his skating style. But since Victor had realised his feelings for Yuuri, he had consciously added Yuuri’s favourite food, least favourite food (tuna) and tried to commit as many of Yuuri’s anecdotes to his mind. Yuuri had been a little surprised when Victor started intently listening to all of his stories, and Victor was sure Yuuri thought it was weird. But Victor knew Yuuri would never suspect anything, because one, Victor was always surprising people, and two, Yuuri thought too little of himself to ever think that Victor Nikiforov could have a crush on him. A fact that Victor so desperately wanted to correct, but found he couldn’t without outing himself. He’d considered lecturing Maiko about it, but knew that was a  _ very bad and scary  _ idea. Victor knew, though, that these stories in his head of confessing his love to Yuuri and telling him that he was so deserving of love and was the only one Victor could imagine being with was all just distraction. Distraction from the fact that Victor was gay, as ironic as that was. Somehow, envisioning how you would confess to your secret love was way better than thinking about your changing and evolving sexuality, and what that meant for your future. 

“So you don’t like crab either, then?” 

Yuuri shook his head, the little bits of hair that had escaped Yuuri’s hair gel shaking. It looked adorable. Yuuri was adorable. Yuuri was  _ everything _ . 

“Well, I ordered katsudon, and you can have my serving if I’m going to be eating all the seafood,” Victor offered, lifting the lid to the main course. 

Yuuri positively beamed. “That sounds better.” 

Victor passed a bowl to Yuuri and watched him stuff it down. Yuuri was adorable when he ate too. 

The thing was, Victor didn’t know what to do next. Should he tell someone? Should he stay quiet? Both options sounded horrible. It morally opposed Victor to stay silent about something that was a part of himself, but telling anyone was akin to diving in shark-infested waters. To alienate himself like that? That seemed worse. But what about Maria? Could he lie to her? 

He could barely even kiss her now. But, it wasn’t like Maria kissed  _ him  _ too often. Still, he had to tell her, right? He couldn’t fake loving her or wanting to be around her. Telling his secret would mean leaving his very own  _ son  _ for some other life far away from everything. (But what example would Victor be setting if he spent his life lying?) Leaving Maria would mean leaving ice dancing, which meant leaving Yuuri. 

Would Yuuri even want to be around him if he came out?

Would  _ anyone _ want to be around Victor if he came out? 

“Thank you for ordering dinner, Victor.” 

He surely couldn’t go back to Russia. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t get what you wanted.”

“Don’t apologise, Victor.” Yuuri paused his eating and looked at Victor, who hadn’t touched his food. “I told you, you could get whatever you wanted.” Yuuri smiled reassuringly.

Victor smiled back. 

 

The next day, Maiko got a cast put on and the three of them hopped on a plane to go back to Tokyo a day early. No point in staying around when you can’t skate. 

The plane ride seemed shorter than it did on the way there, but that was probably because the only seats available were one in first class and two in business, so Victor had kindly offered the first class ticket to Maiko, which meant Victor got to spent the 95 minutes alone with Yuuri. They didn’t actually talk and just watched one of Victor’s favourite romance movies the whole time, but it was still nice to be that close to Yuuri. To feel their arms touching, to feel Yuuri’s slow breathing against him––that felt like heaven. 

Victor was sad to leave Yuuri to find his own taxi and grab his luggage, but he bid farewell to his two friends at the apartment block on Yuuri and Maiko’s floor. He sent his sympathies with them and promised to come by tomorrow. 

Victor couldn’t help but grin when he was left alone in the elevator. He jumped excitedly, finding he could hide his joy after spending such quality time with his crush. (Except Yuuri was more than a crush. He was so, so,  _ so _ much more than a crush.)

Victor collected himself when the elevator doors open on and he dragged his suitcase behind him, pretending that he hadn’t just spent time with Katsuki Yuuri on his birthday! Victor contained his big, happy smile and unlocked the apartment door, hoping to find Makkachin racing towards him. But, when he stepped inside, nothing. Well, not nothing, he heard pawing coming from the bedroom door. Victor ran over and flung the door open to let Makka out, but Makka wasn’t the only thing he found in his and Maria’s bedroom.  

Inside, sat Maria, in bed, in nothing but her bra. On the other end of the room, a lady was sitting at Victor’s desk.  _ Victor’s _ desk. Why was there a stranger sitting at his desk?!

“Victor! You’re back early?” 

“Yes. Who’s that?” Victor demanded, pointing to the white girl in a tank top and yoga pants. 

“This is Anya! I invited her over last night and we got drunk and she couldn’t go home so she slept over,” Maria replied in a rush, the words tumbling out of her mouth at the speed of light. “I met her a few weeks ago, you remember her, right?”

“No. No, I don’t.” Maria hadn’t told her about this Anya, who was now standing and looking at Victor with distaste. It reminded Victor of the way Yuuri had stared at the oysters. The events of last night played in his head and he calmed down. He looked at Anya again, completely dressed and not looking like a total lesbian. It wasn’t what he was thinking. Maria wasn't gay and cheating. Just like Victor wasn’t gay and cheating. 

Victor considered telling Maria again, and he remembered how he had felt when the thought of Maria cheating on him had crossed his mind. No, he couldn’t tell her. At least not alone.

–

 

**January 21st 2016**

 

“Orange juice?” 

“Sure,” Yuuri agreed, walking to the fridge in his sweatpants and the shirt he had slept in (he hadn’t been taking his time away from the competitive season well) to refill Maiko’s glass with her second round of orange juice. 

“You’re being so good to me,” Maiko thanked Yuuri as he returned with her drink. 

Yuuri hadn’t left the house in three days. And he’d worn these sweatpants for five days in a row. 

 

– 

 

**February 3rd 2016**

 

“He needs his dummy, is what he needs,” Maria yelled over Roman’s crying. 

“He’s hungry!”

“He’s  _ always _ eating, Victor. I’ve been with him constantly for five months, I know what he needs.” 

Victor hated when Maria got angry, but Victor didn’t know how to avoid it at this point. Maria never used to shout when she was angry, but she had gotten so good at it over the months. It didn’t help that Maria managed to pull excuses to get angry with Victor out of her ass. Victor would love to talk to her properly, but every time he tried she was always leaving. Leaving to walk Roman, to go to her new mummy’s class, to get more nappies. 

Victor wished Maria would just stand still for five seconds so he could just talk to her for five seconds. Not even for anything more than to ask her how she is or to tell her he’d love to look after Roman for just a night, or maybe a few hours. He’d love to talk about why Maria had been acting so distant. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love me some kudos and comments!! Next Chapter: 28th of May


	6. The Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta is yamagusheep and she's amazing and i love her

**March 8th 2016**

It had been a few months, and Maiko finally got her cast off. It had been a few months, and Yuuri was still mad at her. He can’t entertain the idea that she broke her fibula on purpose, or it was in any way wasn’t a mistake, but he was mad. It was good for him, though. That’s what he tells himself; all this concealing of emotions, it’s good practice, because he’s found something inside of himself that needs desperate suppressing. He was getting better at hiding, so much he’s almost grateful for the break. The break-in Maiko’s bones, the elongated break between the seasons. It’s all good news. At least he doesn’t have to run that stupid free dance any longer. 

But, he’s still mad. And he still misses the free dance anyway. Or misses what it could have been. Whatever. 

It had been a few months, and Maiko had begun walking without aid. It had been a few months, and Yuuri was still getting better at what he needs to do. It’s been a few months, and they’ve had exactly five dinner parties with their no longer rivalling couple. That night should have been the sixth, but Maria cancelled that morning. Yuuri still cooked. He slaved away at the flaming stove, trying to pour something he didn’t have into a meal that was meant for someone who meant more to him. Not that Yuuri wanted to separate himself from his wife, but she was simply different from the person Yuuri made meals for, who of course was completely imaginary. Not that Yuuri doesn’t want to take care of his hurting wife, who was doing more exercises and stretches than she ever did in the latter half of career. In this next coming half, Yuuri hoped she would continue to do those exercises because it allowed Yuuri to hang onto the remaining threads of his promised, lifelong devotion to his spouse. 

“Katsudon?” Maiko asked as she hobbled over to where Yuuri was frying strips of meat. 

“Chicken katsudon,” Yuuri answered. Yuuri didn’t cook Katsudon anymore, but this was as close as he came to indulging himself. Indulgence was a pastime that Yuuri could not afford. It was still off season for a long time yet and that was indulgence enough. Almost too much, but still everything Yuuri needed. 

“You’re so sweet, my beautiful husband,” she whispered into Yuuri’s ear, wrapping her thin arms around Yuuri’s torso that had developed some small love handles. (Too much indulging.) 

“I’m just taking care of you.” Yuuri didn’t sound like himself when he talked about Maiko like that. When he tried to soak his words with the dearest form of love he could muster, he didn’t sound like himself. He wondered if the paranoia that came with his daydreams was starting to eat at him so, or if something was different, and if Maiko could hear it too. Could she tell? Was he more transparent than he thought he was?

“I know you are. You need to be taken care of, too, you know.” No, he didn’t. He was spoiled as he was. “Actually, I never thought you’d be so accommodating. I thought you’d be mad.” He was mad. “I remember lying in that hospital room, waiting for you to come back and take me home, and I tried to prepare myself for the worst. I’d never seen you mad — still haven’t, by the way — and I was honestly terrified. I’d ruined the rest of the season. I’d ruined our prized program. I’d ruined  _ everything _ .” 

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Yuuri breathed, turning the crumbed chicken strips. She didn’t do anything. It was Yuuri doing it all. He was ruining everything, and he even couldn’t conceal it properly. 

“But I did, Yuuri. Didn’t I, baby?”  _ Baby _ . They’d never used  _ baby _ to refer to each other before. Yuuri supposed he would have to start. He should have thought of it first. 

“Nothing is ruined. We are still skaters, aren’t we? We have months to become better. We’ll return next season the best there, and we’ll beat Victor and Maria.” (Yuuri tried to avoid using Victor’s name as much as possible, but in a rivalling context, he couldn’t slip it enough.) And they would, they’d become better than them. They already were. 

Maiko tensed behind him. “I guess. But I’m just surprised you’re not mad at me. It’s been months and I feel like we never talked about it. We never discussed what it meant, or why I did it. Or even what would happen next—we just did what we had to do.” 

“We always do what we have to do. How do you think we survive?” Yuuri chuckled. He turned off the flame below the hot pan and transferred the chicken to a paper towel on a plate. Maiko stepped away from him as he moved around the kitchen. He grabbed an onion and wooden chopping board and began to peel it. “You might want to step away, unless you want your eyes to burn.” 

“But we never talked about it. You never asked a single question.” 

“I didn’t think I needed to. You always come to me when you want to say something, don’t you?” Yuuri hoped it was true. Oh, how he hoped it was true. He couldn’t stand Maiko to be dishonest, as hypocritical as that sounded. What would become of them if she found out, and it just let it simmer and boil between them? What would she think of him if she knew he was withholding secrets of such significance? 

“I suppose. But, me coming to tell you something is different to you showing interest.” Yuuri knew Maiko had regretted what she had said the minute it left her mouth. “I didn’t mean that you weren’t showing interest. I just meant in that situation, you didn’t say anything.” 

“I’m sorry. I am interested, you know I am.” They were walking on eggshells around each other, at this point. Maiko couldn’t say anything pertaining to Yuuri’s silence, for each day Yuuri did more for her than he had ever done for himself, and Yuuri couldn’t say anything to let Maiko to be privy to his emotions. Yuuri did not long for the day when he could no longer hold his help and devotion to her recovery over her head. Yuuri did not long for the day in which he lost control. He did not long for indulgence. 

Then, his phone rang and Victor’s ID flashed across screen. 

 

–

 

It had been tense, but Victor had been told that was normal with a new baby around. Couples fought. People cried. Babies cried. It was  _ normal _ . 

It had been tense, but Roman was still growing. He went to childcare four days a week while Victor and Maria trained (they  _ were _ making their comeback). Victor knew they couldn’t train as much as they used to, and Maria would never be as good as she used to, but he was glad to have the ice back. It was tense, and Victor was still grieving his old normalcy. Nothing was normal now. Everything was so, so different. It wasn’t just Victor and his new infatuation and neglect that was new—it was Maria, too. Her body had changed, and she would never regain all the muscle she had lost with how often she was taking care of Roman. She acted different, too. More distant, but Victor could clock that up to a new baby, changing her routine and rearranging her priorities. Victor wasn’t the most important thing in her life anymore, but Victor thought they were better for it. He thought they were, but they hardly spoke anymore. They didn’t have sex. They skated and revised some new routines they were working on and they booked a short tour around Japan for their new ice show to announce their comeback. They did all of that, but they didn’t do much of anything else. And she talked to Anya all the time. Said it was a ‘girl thing’. Said she knew about baby stuff, said she was a Russian in Paris, just like them. Said she had just broken up with her boyfriend, Georgi. Anya was a lot of things, and one of them was a rock in Maria’s orbit. Sometimes Victor thought her more important to Maria than he was, but he couldn’t say Maria didn’t deserve someone like that. Victor used to be everything for Maria, but she’d always needed more. Anya was her more. Anya was becoming what Victor used to be. 

Things were so different, and everything was always changing. Roman was around six months old now and eating real food. Victor hadn’t been around to see that happen, but he’d seen the pictures.  And Victor thought about Yuuri all the time. Not that that was necessarily new at this point, but Yuuri had never been a distraction before. Victor used to distract himself from thinking of Yuuri, but now thinking of Yuuri seemed to be the only thing he could think about without exploding. At night, when he’d hear Roman cry and Maria leave the bed to see to him, he thought about the father he was becoming. And then, he’d think of Yuuri, and his tears would subside. Yuuri was his rock. Everything was okay as long as Victor was near Yuuri. (Usually, no more than a few floors.) Just like Maria had Anya, Victor had Yuuri. Except, Victor did not have Yuuri. At least, not in the way Maria had Anya. 

Victor didn’t want to think about the way Maria had Anya. He just wanted to think about  _ Yuuri _ . 

Just like he was now. Thinking about Yuuri. While rocking Roman to sleep. Wasn’t he just awful?

He was thinking about leaving Yuuri to perform his ice show around Japan. They were going out to Kyoto, Fukuoka, Hiroshima, Sapporo, Yokohama and ending in Tokyo. Then he was thinking about Kyushu, then Hasetsu, then Yuuri’s family. What were they like? Were they as wonderful as Yuuri? 

“Victor, you need to tip the bottle back more. He’s not getting any milk,” Maria insisted, getting up from the couch and going over to the rocking chair that was situated in the only spot where the light from the large panes didn’t reach. They were getting curtains installed soon. (Victor was glad. He didn’t want to see their now messy and not-magazine-worthy apartment shrouded in light any longer.) 

Maria grabbed Victor’s hands and changed it so the bottle was tipped back. Victor rolled his eyes. 

“I’ve done this before, you know,” Victor chided, looking up at Maria through his fringe. Maria looked tired. “Please, just get some sleep. I can do it.” 

“No. I’m fine, Victor. And I’ve done this before, too. Many more times than you have.” Victor squeezed his eyes shut. 

“Just let me try, please?” 

“I am.” Maria went back to her spot on the couch and picked up her copy of  _ Anna Karenina _ . Anya had recommended it to her. Of course, Maria wouldn’t bother reading anything Victor had given to her. Still, Victor ignored her side-eye and kept the bottle on the angle Maria had set. The frustration Victor had felt calmed as Roman’s blue eyes fluttered shut and sleep overtook him. To sleep now, at four in the afternoon—what a good thing that would be. But, Victor had to put him down. Had to get a start on dinner now and wake him in an hour. Had to ignore Maria and let her keep tabs on him without snapping. Had to stay calm. 

“I’m putting him down,” Victor whispered as he picked up his baby, blankets and all, and shuffled into the blue nursery. He kissed his son’s forehead and put him down in his white cot. He leant over the railing to watch Roman sleep. The slow rising and falling of his chest released the tension in Victor’s muscles. Victor pet Roman’s small nose and lightly giggled. What a thing he had created. 

Victor softly pat Roman’s blonde, wispy hair and bid him goodnight. Upon turning around and seeing Maria peering on them from the doorway, Victor’s shoulders squared, and everything within Victor that had fallen asleep with Roman, just for a moment of peace, all suddenly woke up. 

She had been watching him. Victor clenched his jaw and avoided his wife’s eyes. Did she not trust him with his own son? Was she not aware of her constant complaining of the burdens that came with their son? Did she not want Victor to actually take care of his child for one second? Once upon a time, those blue eyes of hers seemed like pools of wonder made for viewing, now they seemed disdainful and judging. The eyes of distaste. 

Victor exited the room and shut the door behind him, managing to not slam the thing. “Did you not want me to put my son to bed?” Victor asked with a facade of calm. 

“What? Of course I did.” 

“Did you have to watch me do that? Do you have to watch everything I do?” In the back of Victor’s head, he wanted to add ‘ _ shouldn’t I be the one keeping tabs on  _ you _? _ ’ 

“I was just keeping an eye out,” Maria replied, smiling. (Once upon a time, that smile had meant so much more than dread.) 

Victor sighed and walked to the kitchen, trying to stay on track. He could stay calm. He had shit to do. He gripped the fridge door so hard his knuckles turned white and open to grab the chicken breast, eggs and vegetables. He set down the ingredients on the table harder than he had anticipated. He couldn’t even think about cooking dinner with Maria sitting on their kitchen island, watching him. 

“So after I tell you to stop watching me, you’re going to sit right  _ there _ ?” Victor snapped.

Maria rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic, Victor. You never said such things.” 

“Well, I’m telling you now,  _ stop watching me _ .” Anger found a place in Victor’s voice, and it urged him to continue. “You make me feel incompetent.” The statement was not said with genuine hurt like Victor had imagined, but it was nothing more than a ploy to trip Maria. 

“You act incompetent,” Maria sneered. She placed her elbows on the bench and rested her head in her hand, smiling at Victor like nothing but a kitchen island was between them. 

“Excuse me?”

“You act like a five year old. So flighty and taken with everything around you.” 

Victor was silent as he turned away from Maria’s venomous words and looked for an onion. 

“Now is not the time to be flighty, Victor,” she continued. Victor quickly gave up on his search, instead opting to use his energy coming up with something to shout at his wife. “I gave up ice skating for Roman, and all you give up is half a day for your own son.”

“You aren’t the only one here giving up things. You aren’t the only person in the world to have made a sacrifice for someone you love.” 

“Sacrifice? You think you have sacrificed something for me? For Roman?” 

Victor swallowed. “I gave up my truth for _your_ _secret_ ,” he whispered. 

“What the fuck does that mean?” Maria growled, trying to conceal the small dose of panic that Victor had caught. 

“What I mean, don’t act like a saint, or a good wife, when you aren’t,” Victor hissed. He didn’t look to Maria’s face to indulge himself in her reaction, but simply left the kitchen, slipped on his shoes, grabbed his jacket, swiped his phone and left the apartment. 

 

Victor got five steps in before he crumbled. He sank to his knees, the guilt already devouring him.

Before the thoughts could devour him and leave him sobbing in a public hallway, he shakily unlocked his phone, his thoughts centring on one thing:  _ Yuuri _ . He couldn’t think of anything else. He couldn’t think about tearing his family apart for one second longer. He couldn’t wonder if his decision to stay quiet that he had months many ago had been the right one. He couldn’t bare the thought that it was. He was slowly rotting with his secrets tucked away inside him—his family was dying because of his silence. It was clear now, on this carpeted apartment building hallway: it was move or slowly die. 

Victor dialled Yuuri’s number as quickly as he could. Quicker than he had ever dialled someone's number. Needed to dial this number more than he had ever needed to do anything before.

 

– 

 

“Victor?” Yuuri answered, eyeing Maiko who was listening intently. 

“Yuuri,” Victor whispered softly down the line, like he was letting out a sigh of relief. 

After a moment of quiet, Yuuri spoke again. “Are you okay?” He couldn’t think of anything else to say. He couldn’t think of another Victor would call him. He’d text for anything else. 

“I… Can I see you?” Victor breathed down the line, and Yuuri heard shuffling. “I want to see you.”

“Um, sure. Should I come over?” 

“No. Meet me in the lobby?” Victor asked, his voice raising in volume and pitch. With every word Victor said, it seemed the more bubbly he became—like something was breathing life into him. Maybe he had good news. 

“Alright. Can I ask why?” 

“I would like to take you for dinner.”  _ For dinner _ ? Yuuri eyed the meal he was halfway through making. Could Maiko make this on her own? No, of course not. 

“Well, do you think it could wait a little bit? I’ll just finish up some stuff here, then I’ll see you. It won’t be long.” 

“Mm, what if I hang out at yours for now? Then you won’t have to rush. I haven’t seen Maiko in a while anyway,” Victor suggested. 

“Uh, that’s okay. I’ll see you soon, then,” Yuuri answered, unsure of why Victor needed to see Yuuri so urgently. Had he and Maria had a fight? He sounded happy, though—maybe he had good news? But, this was Victor. Most likely, it was neither of those things, and it was something completely unexpected and crazy. That what was Victor did. Yuuri hoped it wasn’t too explosive. 

 

Victor arrived no more than two minutes later, looking fine in a casual, blue and white striped vest, dress shirt and slacks, plus that dark brown peacoat Victor always seemed to be wearing. When Victor wore that over to Yuuri’s house, he  _ never _ left it behind. It made Yuuri wonder if Victor actually did care for clothes, but all that he owned seemed replaceable to him. It made Yuuri wonder what had happened in that peacoat to make it so important to Victor. 

“Good evening, Yuuri, Maiko,” Victor greeted before hugging Yuuri, squeezing him with all his strength. It was a tight, almost suffocating hold, but Yuuri liked it. Made him feel protected, like he was in Victor’s arms and there he would stay. But Victor let him go and moved to hug Maiko. A strong hug, but not as tight or innocently wanting as he had given Yuuri’s.

“How are you walking?” Victor asked, watching Yuuri from the corner of his eye return to the kitchen to get cooking. 

“Oh, you know, fine. It’s hard, painful some days, but I’m getting there. Still got six weeks more of psychical therapy, but I should be back on the ice in a month,” Yuuri heard Maiko say.

“We hope,” Yuuri chimed, cracking two eggs into a bowl. 

“I’m getting back on the ice in a month, whether Mr Silver Fox tells me to or not.” 

“Silver Fox? Maiko, did you land a hot physiotherapist?” 

Yuuri heard his wife and Victor chuckle from the living room. He tuned out their banter, focusing on the task at hand. He was abandoning Maiko for dinner tonight, the least he could do was make a well-balanced meal. He added an extra egg into the mix, used a little bit more sugar than he normally would. Maiko liked things in large amounts, and she liked them sweet, even Yuuri himself detested using extra sugar in his meals. 

“What are you cooking?” Yuuri heard from close behind him. The person surely couldn’t have been more than an inch away from him, and that person certainly wasn’t Maiko. Yuuri startled at the deep voice in his ear and the breath on his neck and dropped the spatula he was using into the eggs.

“Oh, Yuuri! I’m so sorry!” Victor cried, rushing to get a clean tea towel to quickly clean the utensil. “I didn’t mean to startle you!” 

“It’s okay, Victor. I’ve done worse,” Yuuri replied monotonously, wiping the egg away. Yuuri was about to spend the next few hours with the man, did he have to be right behind him all the time? (But of course, that was exactly where Yuuri wanted him. All the time.)

“So, what  _ are _ you cooking?” Victor repeated. 

“Chicken Katsudon for Maiko.” Yuuri transferred the scrambled eggs and onion to the fried and crumbed chicken. “I’ll just put the rice on and then we can go.” 

Victor nodded silently behind him as Yuuri brought out the rice cooker and dug into their big bag of rice. 

“So,” Yuuri started, his eyes flicking to Victor a few times as he loaded up the rice cooker with two cups of rice. Victor looked him in question. “What did you want to get dinner for? Did you need to talk about something?” Yuuri whispered lowly, making sure that Maiko didn’t hear him. 

Victor didn’t reply for a while, just watched Yuuri fetch a few cups of water. When Yuuri looked at him with expectance, waiting for Victor to inform him, he said nothing. He simply shrugged his shoulders and tried his best to conceal the glum look on his face.

Alright, maybe Victor did have bad news. 

“Where are you boys going tonight?” Maiko asked, hobbling into the kitchen. “Anywhere special?” 

Victor laughed. “I don’t know. I guess Yuuri will have to choose.” 

“Victor! You do know Yuuri  _ hates _ choosing, right?”  

“No, I don’t!”

“You do, Yuuri. It gives your stomach cramps.” 

The two laughed, and despite the teasing, Yuuri liked the sight of Victor and Maiko having fun like that. (Made for a strong, durable relationship.)

“Fine, fine. But tonight, Victor, I will choose.” 

Victor grinned and Maiko turned on the rice cooker for him. “Alright, I can take it from here. You two have fun, and call me if you’re going to be late, Yuuri.” 

“We won’t be late,” Victor assured her. 

“Just wait ’til Yuuri gets a few drinks in him,” Maiko reminded him, grabbing Yuuri’s keys, wallet, coat and phone and handing them to him. “Don’t actually drink too much, okay?”

“Okay,  _ mum _ ,” Yuuri teased, burying his feelings about that particular topic. Did Maiko really have to mention that? It was embarrassing enough having this unwritten rule in place, but to have it vocalised to the people most important to him? That was shitty. Now, Yuuri did want to stay out late and get wasted. 

Yuuri burying the bubbling feelings of frustration and lead Victor out of his apartment. As soon as the door was closed behind them, Yuuri felt Victor’s arm around him again. It was the suffocating hug again, and it felt like Victor was trying to squeeze something out of Yuuri. Yuuri still loved it, though. He was happy to be hugged like this again. He was happy that Victor found such comfort in him. Yuuri was happy that they were doing this together. 

“Victor?” Yuuri whispered as Victor slowly pulled away, his arms and hands lingering as they slid away from Yuuri using the paths of Yuuri’s bare arms, feeling the soft, sparse hair there. “Are you okay?” 

Their eyes met the following seconds after that question was asked, and then Victor smiled. But, it wasn’t a reassuring smile—it was a concealing, smile-for-the-paparazzi smile. 

“So, where do you want to go for dinner? It’s only five, so we should go somewhere out a little bit. Explore a new part of Tokyo,” Victor suggested.

Yuuri had gone with this bit before, but they were away from Maiko now, and he would persist. “Victor. Are you okay?” Yuuri asked again, his voice small with the persistent undertone of concern. 

“Can we go? Please?” Victor asked, but before Yuuri could say yes, Victor was already walking down the hallway towards the lifts. 

 

They didn’t end up at a new restaurant that was a few neighbourhoods away as planned, and instead sat in the window of their favourite ramen place, gazing over the menus and not saying a word to each other. What could Yuuri say? It was Victor’s place to talk, and he had expressed distaste in Yuuri doing it for him. While Yuuri had always dreamt of grabbing dinner with Victor, he did not want to do so with a cloud hanging over their heads. Why had Victor hugged him so desperately and was now not letting himself talk about whatever was troubling him? Was he simply waiting for the right moment?

“Do you know what you’ll be getting?” Victor asked, peering from behind the large menu. 

Shit. Yuuri hadn’t even been looking. “My usual,” he answered in a rush, setting the unused menu down. 

“Tonkotsu ramen for me,” Victor answered, setting his own menu down. Awkward silence roamed around them as they waited for the roaming waitress to arrive at their table. Yuuri could see Victor fidgeting with his shirt below the table. 

Yuuri sighed, leaning forward and trying to get a bet look at Victor’s face. Once their eyes connected, Yuuri smiled, reassuring Victor and relieving him of his fidgeting. Then, Yuuri thought back to that night, many months ago—almost a year ago now—when Victor had told him that he had kissed a boy. Kissed a boy and meant it, not from spin the bottle or as the result of a dare or some sort of misunderstanding. Victor had told him, had rested his head on Yuuri’s shoulder and trusted him. What had changed since then? Did Victor really have to be drunk to show himself? 

He and Victor had never spoken had never spoken about that night or anything about the kiss Victor had revealed to Yuuri. Yuuri wondered now if it was shame on Victor’s part that had stopped them from bringing up the topic again. Yuuri wondered if that “guy” had ever called him again since then. Yuuri had never even bothered to ask. 

“Are you guys ready to order?” a waitress asked in Japanese, and Yuuri slowly recited their order to her. He knew it was barely five thirty and far to early in the evening to be eating dinner but Yuuri would do anything to get to the part of the evening in which Victor finally told him what was on his mind. 

“Should we get something sweet after?” Yuuri asked, startling Victor out of his daydream. Victor looked from the window and to Yuuri, and in that moment, before he responded with that paparazzi smile again, Victor looked so soft. 

“Yeah,” Victor whispered, and he seemed surprised at the volume of his voice. “Yes,” he repeated. “Isn’t there an ice cream shop around the corner?” 

“Yeah, there is. I haven’t been there in a while—we should go there again,” Yuuri told him. “Is there anything else you want to do tonight? Anywhere you want to go?” 

Yuuri didn’t know what he was saying, or why was saying it. He knew if Victor wanted something he would get it, there was no need to ask him. But, Yuuri didn’t know how to comfort someone, but when he was younger and he was sad, his mother offered sweets and katsudon and asked him if there was anywhere he wanted to go. He hoped the sentiment got through to Victor. He hoped Victor could see him saying ‘ _ we can go anywhere together _ .’

“Or there is a dessert menu here,” Victor reminded them. 

“I prefer ice cream,” Yuuri told him, looking out the window again. Then, another memory came to him. It was November, four years prior and Yuuri and Maiko had just got back from the Rostelecom Cup. They’d won over Victor and Maria for the first time and were celebrating at a twenty four cafe at six am, watching business men and women commute to work. Maiko had started it, asking Yuuri if he would date a women in a white pantsuit. Yuuri had panicked at first, wondering if this was the ‘is she prettier than me?’ question coming up, but when Maiko had laughed and Yuuri had caught wind of the fact that was she surely in her seventies, Yuuri laughed too. Then Yuuri asked Maiko if she would have a one night stand with a sixteen year old who was looking glum while following his suited father out of an apartment block. That had been a good night. Debatably one of the best nights he’d ever shared with Maiko. Or with anyone, for that matter. 

“I have a game,” Yuuri told Victor, not looking over at him but keeping his eyes trained on a woman in neon pink activewear jogging on the spot as she waited for the light to change. 

“Mm?” 

“Would you date that woman? The one in the pink activewear?” Yuuri looked at Victor then who looked surprised. 

“Yuuri, are we playing  _ smash or pass _ ?” Victor chuckled, his eyes wide. Who would think Yuuri would play smash or pass as a pastime. 

“Maybe. So, smash or pass: the jogging woman,” Yuuri repeated, and Victor looked out the window. 

“That’s a hard pass,” Victor said. 

“Really? But she jogs. You could run to the rink together.” 

“I like running to the rink with  _ you _ ,” Victor responded before he could think. 

It took Yuuri a minute to process what he had just said. Had he really just said that? They didn’t run to the rink together that often… God, what was Victor saying?

Why wasn’t he saying anything else?!

Yuuri stared at him with wide eyes, and Victor furrowed his brows, seeming to pull a blank. Awkward. Awkward. Very awkward. Yuuri shouldn’t have brought it up. Obviously, Victor didn’t mean it like that—

Victor laughed. Well, at least it seemed to cheer him up. 

Then the waitress appeared, holding two ramen bowls. She set them down in front of the boys and they started on their early dinner. 

They ended their evening at seven thirty in the lobby of their apartment block. They’d eaten, gotten sundaes from that ice-cream place and then, on a whim, gone to a bar. It was clearly a bar for the elderly or mothers of toddlers since it was open from four o’clock till eight, but it was a bar nonetheless. Yuuri couldn’t fathom how that bar got any business at all. But they had gone it and ordered a two martinis each and chatted. Not about Victor’s home life, or Maiko’s break, or ice skating, and definitely not what was on Victor’s mind, but they talked. They talked about everything under the sun, from poodles to what Victor was reading at the moment. Victor had told Yuuri about what life was like back in Russia, and Yuuri told Victor of the family onsen in Hasetsu. They’d gotten a buzz from the gin in their martinis and then decided to go home. Technically, it was early, but it felt late. The boys were _ very tired _ . 

So, here they stood in the lobby, waiting for the elevator. But the cloud was back. Going home meant facing what was there, and that reminded both of them why they had even left. 

Yuuri wanted Victor to talk to him about it. They’d had their night, they’d gotten dinner and ice cream and after-ice-cream alcohol. They’d done all the things that was supposed to make Victor feel better. Yuuri had even gotten two shots of gin into him. Could they talk now?

“So,” Yuuri started, looking for the elevator to signal it’s arrival. “Are you okay?”

“I feel better. Much better,” Victor told him. Yuuri smiled at Victor, and the Russian smiled back. 

“What happened, Victor?” Yuuri asked. 

Victor inhaled sharply. “Oh, just… you know.” 

“I’m afraid I don’t.”

“Maria stuff.” 

“Maria stuff?”

“Yeah.” 

God, how hard would it be to get something out of Victor? “Victor… talk to me. Please.” 

Victor fidgeted with his vest. The elevator dinged and they stepped inside. Yuuri pressed the button for his floor, but Victor didn’t press his. 

“It’s just tense at home with Roman and everything. We’ve been so distant.” 

“You and Roman?”

“And Maria. I’m so separated from both of them.” 

Yuuri stepped close to Victor and looked up into his eyes. Tears were collecting in Victor’s ducts. 

“And… Maria, she,” Victor continued, his voice getting a little shaky. “She, uh—um. I haven’t talked to anyone about this before. Not even Maria,” he admitted. Yuuri noticed Victor’s fingers trembling. 

“You can talk to me about it. Yuuri’s hands found themselves on Victor’s waist, his fingers running up and down the white stripes. 

“I think she’s cheating on me,” Victor whispered, just as the elevator’s dinged again, and the doors opened. Yuuri jumped away from Victor when he saw someone in the doorway, looking at them. No one they knew, but Yuuri couldn’t have exited the elevator fast enough. Victor followed, and a few seconds later, they were alone in the hallway. 

Yuuri realised he’d have to reply then. He realised he’d have to say something about Victor being cheated on by his wife. He’d have to say something to comfort Victor and smooth over the unsavoury trouble his friend was facing, but not smooth over too hard that it was swept under the rug. Without recognition, there was no change, and with no change, there was a grim reality to wake up to every morning. Yuuri didn’t wanted Victor to live like that. Yuuri didn’t want Victor to live like  _ this _ . 

“Victor, I’m so sorry.” Yuuri hugged Victor, trying to give Victor the thing that he had tried to squeeze out of him earlier. He would give Victor  _ anything _ . “You don’t deserve that. She shouldn’t be doing that to you.” 

Victor shrugged. Maybe it was okay? Maybe it was okay, because it was with a girl, and Maria’s a girl, and Victor knows what that’s like. He knows and he can sympathise. He knows and it still hurts. 

He knows he shouldn’t let himself think about it because he can’t bare the thought. But he knows what it’s like, so he should be able to bare it. He should be able to bare this monotonous secret keeping, day in and day out, but now, he’s thinking about now, truly, desperately, enormously thinking about it, and he can’t bare any of it. 

Victor wanted to kiss Yuuri. Right there, in this hallway. Wanted to seal his fate away from Maria and forget all of it and spend his life kissing _someone_ _who won’t leave him_. Because Yuuri didn’t go away, and Victor didn’t want him to. Victor wanted Yuuri to stay close to him. 

But, he didn’t kiss Yuuri. 

He stepped away from Yuuri and put him at an arm's distance, grabbing Yuuri’s shoulders and looking at the younger man’s eyes. He was gay. The thought came to him now, looking into Yuuri’s eyes. He was so, utterly fucking  _ gay _ . 

“It’s going to be okay, Yuuri. It’ll figure itself out.”

They both believed his words and hugged, both of them trying to squeeze as much out of the other as possible. 

 

Yuuri saw himself home, and before opening his door and going home to his Maiko, he had a recurring thought. 

Without recognition, there was no change, and with no change, there was a grim reality to wake up to every morning. He didn’t want that for Victor. He didn’t want that for himself. 

He would say something. He wouldn’t stay quiet anymore. He’d figure whatever it was plaguing his mind, and he wouldn’t wake up one morning to something broken, or someone betrayed. 

 

–

 

On his way home, Victor felt as if he was walking on a tightrope. He was so close to falling, but if he kept on his path, he would get to the end. The end was not in sight, but Victor didn’t think about that either. He thought about Yuuri and how much he loved him. He thought about their dinner and ice cream and the martinis. He thought about how close Yuuri had been in the elevator, and how close he had been in the hallway. Victor touched his lips as he walked the hall to his apartment, thinking of kissing Yuuri. 

The closer he got to the apartment, the harder it was to keep thinking about Yuuri, and not Maria. The closer he got to Maria, the harder it was to not fall. The closer it got to all of it, the less of it he could bear.  

He thought about kissing Yuuri, but he thought of Maria kissing Anya, too. He thought of what it meant to cheat on a cheating wife. He thought of his own guilt for doing so, and whatever guilt Maria was feeling, if any. He thought of guilt, and he thought of Roman. 

He got the key to his home and slid it into the lock. He thought about loving Maria, and how it was so unfathomable now. 

He opened the door, and there it was. There it was; all he could not take. All he could not stand for, or take a stand for—or stand up against. He could not even react to the sight in front of him.

There lay two girls on the couch, naked and watching Russian soaps. 

Maria had cheated, and Victor couldn’t look after his own son. But, there it was. Maria’s cheating and Victor’s neglect, all laid on the couch under a duvet. And he could not look at it any longer.

And he could not stand in a house that was not his anymore. He could not be in a relationship that was not his anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know not many people read this story, so it's not that big of a deal, but the schedule for this fic is going to change from posting a chapter every fortnight to once a month. I'm very sorry but it's just something I have to do because my school workload is increasing and I'm working on a really big fic and I have to devote most of my writing time to that. Speaking of this fic, I'm desperately looking for a beta so if you're interested please shoot me a message on my Tumblr @yuuribooty or leave a comment!! <3 <3


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